Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

Would it help if I said I BELIVE YOU ? I know a stranger on a message board, but you know what, this way there are no preconceived notions.

You have survived some pretty horrendous things, the point is you SURVIVED, now you need to learn to LIVE again.  No, you cannot get a redo on your childhood, and for that I am truly sorryand I am assuming from the tone of your post, none of this was ever discussed, and no justice was given to you, unfortunatly you're not the only one there, until very recently, these things were the "Dirty little secrets " that "Stayed in the family "

Okay, I'm sure you've heard the smoking weed lecture, it does numb the pain though, I know that I did that for years to numb myself to the pain inflicted on me, not to the extent it was on you, but it was still painful, and I would do ANYTHING not to think about it or to feel anything, whether it was toke up or drink.  We do want to keep it bolted in a corner, I liken it to a Pit Bull, you just never know when it might come back to bite you, and when it does, LOOK OUT.

TALK to your Fiance, if he's any kind of man he will give you a shoulder to cry on, he may not understand, but you trust him enough to marry him, then trust him enough to help you, don't get married before YOU resolve what has happened to you, yes its YOUR CHOICE to either get help to get yourself in a position to come to terms with this, or to just hope it goes away on its own ( I guarentee it WON'T ), the place to start might be an abuse hotline, they can put you in contact with the right people, your Doctor might be a good resource as well.

Don't worry about the lives of those that victimized you, they didn't think much of yours did they ?  Or do you fear the perpatraitors ?  Maybe its time they were cut out of your life all together,  I know that forgiveness is probably the last thing on your mind, but simply put, forgiveness means they no longer have the power to CONTROL your life, but you can't get there without help in a safe environment ( a psychologist is bound by confidentiality laws, as are the abuse hotlines, and your Doctor, so there is no need of anyone finding out that you don't CHOOSE to let know these things ), do you all live in the same town ? Can you get out ?

You feel like you're DROWNING, because you are right now, its your choice to sink or swim, all you need is the life preserver, scream for it resolve to take back your life, and your ability to LIVE.

Your fiance should be told as much as you feel comfortable with telling him, after all you plan on spending your life with him right ?  He should know, and if he truly loves you, he will NOT reject you, or think you're nasty, but he will offer his love and support and will be willing to move the date until YOU are able to get a handle on things.

There is HELP, you are asking, which is a step in the right direction, don't let this destroy you.