Replies to '04/12 Twin Tug of War'
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April 11, 2007, 8:36 pm PDT
 Quote From: teddi_ I am fortunate to have been able to attend the taping of this show. Words really can't describe how closely Allison's story hits home, or how badly I feel that so many people failed a sick and suffering mom of twins. What hits me the most is that when Allison started on the road to becoming a mom- she never, ever could have forseen the tragedy that has happened.
I am a mom blessed with three children- a 7 year old son and 2 year told twins girls. I survived Hyperemesis twice, in both my pregnancies, from about week 6 til birth. Unless you have been thru the hell, it's not something you can comprehend. Nausea, dehydration, malnutrtion, dehydration, exhuastion, weakness, muscle atrophy, and depression. That becomes your world while you battle this terrible disease. What should be a happy and hopefully healthy time for expecting moms becomes sometimes a sheer battle to survive.
With my twins, I had very serious complications- and like Allison I finished my twin pregnancy completely and totally physically incapable of caring for my twins. I carried them nearly full term, and my most frequent source of nutrition was my PICC line (a semi-permanent IV line) for which I used to do daily IV fluids and vitamins. I combatted the constant illness with many different medications... and then at the end of my pregnancy needed an emergency c/s because I my blood pressure was high, and my blood was breaking down.
Mentally, I was no better off. For anyone to be so sick for so long- it affects their spirits and their ability to cope. Postpartum, I was left to spend the first year of my twins life in a dark hole of Post Partum Depression (for which HG can leave a mom very vulnerable to) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (directly from the trauma of the HG illness and traumatic delivery). At times, I found myself ruminating on suicide, death, or simply just running away. The post partum health complications I had (anemia, heart issues) left me terrified. Three times I did pass out, once when I was alone with my twinfant daughters. During the taping of the show, Allison's sister conveyed how Allsion didn't feel she could PHYSICALLY care for her twins. In the shape she was in- she had reason to be scared!
"There but for the grace of god go I".... unlike Allison I had a husband and family close by who were able to provide just enough support that I didn't completely lose my mind. But I know the weakness she felt. I know the hopeless she felt- that she may never recover and never be healthy and vital again. Enduring such a horrible pregnancy, and still being physically exhuasted and spent (Allison almost died during her c/s delivery and needed blood transfusions) can leave you paralyzed for fear. I do not for a moment DOUBT that Allison both wanted and loved her twins. But she had spent the past many months in a terrible state of mind- and probably (and rightly so) feared that something bad would happen if her twins remained in her care. I remember being so weak that my 5 lb babies were just too much to hold. That's where the Hyperemesis left me. I "gained" 2 lb by the end of my pregnancy, and left the hospital with about a 15 lb weight loss. I carried my twins to just under 37 weeks. They were born small for their gestational age, and had to be in the NICU. HG is a vicious beast, and while there is treatment for the disease there is not a "cure".
I remember being unable to grocery shop, or cook, or do much of anything other than try to recover from surgery, 8 months of vomiting, and being mentally fragmented. Were I in Allison's shoes... 48, not 28.... unmarried.... no family close by to help.... it really is not an exaggeration to say something terrible would have happened to either me or my babies.
There should have been a support system in place for Allison. Where was it? Where was the social worker? Where was the extra support from the doctors who provided Allison and her babies with care? Where was an adoption professional, who would be inpartial, and able to make sure all is on the "up and up" with an adoption?
Allison was in a state of crisis. She needed help. She did NOT need or DESERVE to have to lose her children after enduring all she did- NEARING losing her life- just to bring them into the world. I pray justice, true justice will in the end prevail for Allison AND her son and daughter. I am very sorry to read about how devastating this disease can be, however, has anyone taken a brief moment to realize that these children are human beings with feelings, who know their adoptive parents as their parents and that changing their custody at this late date could carry with it lifelong detrimental effects? I am sorry that there was no support system in place for this mom, but that is not the fault of these children. We have had a situation, not once, but three times in my family where a child has been taken away from the only home they know by a person who thought they had the "right" to raise them. Beautiful, loving children, taken from the only parents and home that they knew and loved. I can tell you that this is emotionally devastating to the child. Two of these children are now adults, addicts and people-users who are severly detached and paranoid. Who cannot truly love. Who, no matter what anyone says or does, cannot feel that they "belong." The other is 9 years old and has been placed with my family as a foster child - her father being one of the other two children mentioned above. She attends counseling weekly. How could a mother wish a life of detachment and paranoya on her children - that is what she is doing if she thinks she can take children this age from their home to hers without collateral damage. I have a grandaughter 18 months old and see her often. She knows me and my home well. We have tons of "stuff" her for her - everything she needs. But if her mother is gone for more than a few minutes, she is looking for her. A bit longer and she begins to panic and cry. A child this age is VERY attached to the people she recognizes as her parents. Why would Allison want to do this to her own children? I do feel sorry for her situation, but it is too late to change things without hurting the kids. When in doubt, always refer to Soloman. Sorry, Kids First - Moms come in a distant second. Thanks for allowing a different opinion. |
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