Replies to '04/20 Mistrust in Love'

 

 

I had been married for fourteen years when I decided to call my "first love".  I had always thought about him because we were so close back when we were kids and he always treated me very nicely.  I started dating my husband at 17 years old and married him when I was 26 and he was 30.  We had a rocky relationship from the beginning, you know the fighting, he had a very bad temper, hit me once, but then never again, anyway we did love eachother very much and did marry.  We always got along very well, especially when we were alone together, more so than when we were around other people, but we still managed to get out with other couples and have fun.  We have three kids and my husband was very good at times, its like he has two personalities.  He would come home and cook and help me out, but then he would turn around and start screaming at me for little things or if I didn't do something that he wanted to do he would make mine and my kids lives miserable.  So I would always make everying nice and smotth things over and give in to him.  Anyway, this went on for a long time and I always thought about my old boyfriend, my first love, and one day, a couple of years ago, I called him and he was home and we talked for a long time.  We eventually met for coffee, never thinking that anything would happen, I don't care what anyone from this message board things, I honestly did not think anything would happen and it did, well my husband ended up finding out and his wife found out and they talked and met and they pretty much talked us into never seeing eachother again because they both wanted to try again.  I did want to try with my husband again, because I felt that I still loved him, but I also felt horrible not talking to my old boyfriend, almost lost and depressed.  I know that some people think that people are sleazy for doing things like this and not that I am using emotional abuse as an excuse but I felt like I needed to talk to someone and I had an outlet through him.  Anyway, my husband and I are going through a divorce now and my old boyfriend did divorce and he is out living on his own.  Well we are dating off and on and he treats me like a queen, but my problem is is I miss my husband at times and I don't know if I am doing the right thing.  I decided to take him back two weeks ago and he started his old stuff again and I felt so depressed and sad about him coming back and not being able to talk to my old boyfriend that when he did his explosion thing I said that's it and he was out again and now we are on our way to divorce, but for some reason I am finding it so hard to let him go.  Its like when I am with him, I know that its not the right thing and I miss my first love, but then when I am without him I miss him.  I am so confused and don't know what to do.  I don't want to screw up my three kids and I feel like I need to do this divorce thing for me and the kids but I just don't know anymore..........any thoughts out there.....I really need help.............

 We have been friends for 20 yrs, we were both married young to other people. His 1st marrriage lasted 5 yrs and then he called me - I was still married so it was just a friendly call. He got remarried and called me again 5 yrs later telling me all these feelings he has and etc... I too have (had) the same feelings but have put them aside for my family - being married for over 10 yrs now.

but there are issues in the marriages and every time we talk the what if comes up. We are both married to other people but still in love with each other.

I need help please. I want to continue to be friends, but work things out with my marriage or i want to start over -- I dont know what I want:(