Replies to 'My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!'

do they only act like this when they're with you, or all the time, so also when they're with their mom or at school. if there's a place where they di behave that means they know boundaries and accept them, you just have to make sure, that the boundaries at your house are clear, and that they have to be respected. so everytime they do something, they are being disciplined. like taking away the seven year old pencils, if he likes them, or putting them in a corner. if they behave like this everywhere, so also at school and at their moms, and with strangers, then i don't think there's much you can do, unless you agree too their mom that she will discipline too, or you'll have to agree with their father, that this behaviour won't be tolerated at your house, but you have to make sure, that he agrees one hundred procent to it, and that he follows the rules one hundred percent of the time. certainly in the beginning, there can't be any exceptions. but it will still be difficult, if they are only disciplined at your house, and i'm not sure whether it's possible to let them behave at your house when you're the only one disciplining them. i don't know how the 15 and 16 year old are behaving, but if they've never been disciplined, i don't think you can do anything about it. if you aren't sure whether to marry him or not, just postpone the wedding, until you are sure, and don't let anyone talk you into it, you should only marry him when you're certain that's the right thing to do. if there's no solution for those kids, and you really can't stand them, you might have to sit down with your boyfriend, and talk about them not coming over anymore, but him going to do something with his kids, like going swimming or something else on a regular basis. you should think seriously about this, because your 13 month old daughter is getting these examples, and how do you explain to her, that they're 'bad' but don't get disciplined, and she does?

You have to know if your marriage wilol work and this is a good test.  See if your man will agree to not upset you with his children's visits.  See if he will visit them elsewhere?  Or evenings, or one day at a time, with no overnights?  Or only two of his children at a time, and not all four?  See if he will put your wants and needs and your child's, before his previous family, if you and his NEW family are his priority now?  It seems his first marriage broke up because he likes to produce children but not discipline them, that he left all the responsibility for child rearing to his first wife.  That means he will do that to you, too.  When your daughter is a teen and he doesn't back you up, it will not be fun.  This is time for him to grow up and get involved disciplining his kids or get lost.  It absolutely DOES NOT MATTER how often a child visits you, the rules are the same forever, whether they've seen those rules before or not.  It's YOUR house.  They are a guest.  You TELL them the rules.  You don't ask, and you don't wait for their mother's or father's approval.  You have equal rights to peace and security of person and possessions in your own home, and they have no right to disturb that for you or anybody.  The earlier they learn, the better life will be for them.  If it's HIS house, and he is the only ruler, you need to change houses so it's your house, and you're the equal half of two rulers.  It may be a territory thing, that the kids visited there before you arrived, so they are all (including your boyfriend) deliberately exerting group power over you, to not change anything upon your arrival.  This means he will do this for many suffering years, when they are adults as well, rule over you by first family "seniority".  No wife can live like that.  You've got to get changes before tying the knot, or he isn't willing to compromise for you, and it will just get worse.