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Replies to 'Pregnancy Loss'
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April 30, 2007, 2:49 pm PDT
 Quote From: heavenlyangel I am 29 years old, engaged and living with my fiance. September of 2006 I had found out I was pregnant with our child. We were so excited, this would have been our first child together. I was due May 21, 2007. On April 6 I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with severe cramps, I thought it was false labor, so I tried to walk it off, at about 6 it didn't change, but I knew something was wrong, so my fiance and I went to the emergency room. The nurse's took a lot of tests and I had an ultrasound, at that point I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking the nurses, but of course they couldn't give any information until the doctors came in, which I understood. A few hours later my doctor did come in to do yet another ultrasound, to find out that my baby had past away! My fiance and I were devasted! I ended up having to go in for an emergency c-section, before going in, I had learned that my placenta had seperated from my uterus, causing my baby boy not to get oxygen. I have all the same questions as everyone else writing to you, why me? What did I do wrong? Just that week I did have a doctor's appt and everything was going good, his heartbeat was strong and I was doing good, so why did this happen to me? I have so much guilt and anger at the same time, did I do something wrong during my pregnancy? And unfortunately I will never get the answers to my questions, that's what hurts the most! I ended up buring Nichalos Keegan on April 13 and now trying to cope with everything! The good news is my doctor told me that I was going to be okay (there was a moment where they thought I was going to have my uterus removed) and will be able to try again in about a year and half, which seems like an eternity away. The only thing is I am scared to have this happen to me again, I can't go through this anymore, it's hard and painful!!!! I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing can ever make this any easier. I have also lost and i am still devastated by it even though i have 2 children already. I still ask myself what did i do to cause it. Was there something i did or didnt do that could have changed what happened. Unfortunatly i think we all think it is our fault, that in some horrible way we caused this to happen to us and to our unborn children. I have come to realize, although doesnt mean much in the midst of your loss, that there must have been something that wasnt right. That something had not developed to keep my baby healthy and strong. I still blame myself, to this day a year and a half later, and 3 months after the birth of my last child. I think that i always will, but i also know that he is in a good place, even if it isnt in my arms. I like to think that he is being taken care of still and being loved by someone stronger than me and someone who will never let anything bad happen to him ever again. I dont believe in god, but i do believe in that. I wish you the best, and please know that in time it gets a little easier, and please dont ever forget that child, because they are always with us. |
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