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Replies to '04/12 Twin Tug of War'
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April 19, 2007, 8:46 pm PDT
 Quote From: astrid07 Thank you, that is a very thorough answer.
Among other questions, I am still confused about how private adoption takes place. In Canada you cannot just show up at an attorneys office and sign your babies away just like that: <http://www.children.gov.on.ca/CS/en/programs/Adoption/Publications/privateAdoption.htm>I don't live in the US - is it very different there? Judging by the show it really sounds like someone said - hey, I know someone who wants to adopt, let's Go! Then five hours later it was done.
I also question how much the adoptive parents could honestly have known about Allison's decision. Everyone who adopts has to accept that the birth parents probably made a hard choice because of bad personal circumstances. I am not sure how, even if they heard her story, they were to know or think that she was not emotionally incompetent to make the choice etc. There are some strange relationships in this story, but it does not sound like the adoptive parents knew Allison before hand. I feel that there is a lack of sympathy and some responsibility is being assigned to them for participating in some shady transaction, the actual shadiness of which is still open for debate (legally and publicly).
I also question how much Allison would have heard about the adoptive parents beyond the fact that they very much wanted a baby (would you want adoptive parents to be any way but eager to have your children?). I am not sure why the adoptive parents seem to be considered coercive for being interested in the adoption. Again, I would think a blasé attitude would be really negative in the situation of a new adoption. Can you imagine?
I think it is possible to have sympathy for both sides in this story. As I learn more, I am developing more sympathy for Allison. In the end though it is a legal matter and the courts will hopefully get all of the information and be able to make sense of it and make the best choice for the children.
I need to go back and catch up on the other posts on the board now! From the research I have done on adoption in the states, there are different ways to go about it. Some means of adoption are shadier than others. When my husband and I were gathering information and speaking with agencies, we found them to be solidly interested in keeping the childrens' best interest at heart. However, we dealt with agencies highly recommended for their integrity. We were actually turned down before our processing even began as my husband will be posted overseas soon and their policies specifiy that you must remain in the states during the entire process, which can take a year or more. However, not all adoption agencies or attornies who specialize in adoption follow the same "rules." A coworker suggested we do the same as he and his wife, which is to get on a "short list" with a home for unwed mothers. Thier adoption was very "fast and easy" or "quick and dirty," however you want to look at it. Private adoption can be riddled with problems, in my humble opinion, and can really facilitate an issue like Allison's occuring. So, while I love my country with all my heart, I do not believe our adoption laws and policies always consider what is best for the children or the birth parents.
Your point: Would you want adoptive parents to be any way but eager to have your children? I totally agree with you. If I were placing a child for adoption, my desire would be for the adopting parents to want that child with ALL of their heart.
I just have such a hard time, a really hard time, bending my mind around their desire for these kids being immediately stronger than Allison's. They received the children so quickly after the papers were signed, but she also changed her mind very quickly. Were they not informed that Allison had changed her mind right away by the lawyer she immediately contacted? I thought I heard her new lawyer say that she was in an attorney's office, within 8 hours, seeking help in getting her children back. (Maybe I'm incorrect. If so, please do set me straight, I do not want to promulgate misinformation). How was their bond with the children was stronger than Allison's so quickly after receiving the children? Strong enough to withhold the children? I wish the prior relationship between all parties involved was more clear. Do you find the law of no second chances as barbaric as I do? That is why she must prove duress. I agree that the courts will have to decide and hope as you do that ALL facts will be uncovered and presented well.
I also agree that it is possible to have sympathy for both sides. But, I still shake my head over how much (I just suspect) the custodial/adoptive parents knew about her condition prior to receiving the children. And, as I said before, if they did know......my sympathy vanishes into thin air and I hold only contempt for them.
My best to you.
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