Replies to '04/12 Twin Tug of War'

I was able to attended the taping of this show (as some of the other posters have). There was stuff that we saw, issues that came up (and some stuff I read on other news reports) that didn't make the final edit of the show that you saw.

Firstly- yes, so many, many moms have gotten A) no help B) too little help C) no diagnosis. It's heartbreaking... I've read way too many stories from moms who terminated, who were told to terminated and didn't even know they had a disease or what the name of it was. Better care is so critical- mostly for moms but babies too!

I would not say that the HG illness itself would make someone incapacitated to make a decision to adopt or not. What WAS edited out of the show was that Dr Phil pointed out Allison because of her HG experience and complications (life threatening ones, where she was terrified she and her babies would die) left her with both Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Partum Depression.

 I would make my best estimate and say either one or BOTH (esp. the PTSD) should automatically put such an important decision as adoption under immediate suspicion. Not ALL or even most women who have HG will end up with PTSD as a result, but a small percentage will (esp those like Allison with life threatening complications). When in the accute phase, which can last weeks, months, even years- people can be very very impaired with their mental health to where basic functioning is challenging. PPD, PTSD, sleep deprivation, physical exhuastion, and extreme weakness- does that begin to pain the picture of how ANY decision made during that time of such a huge decision  (add in that Allison herself said she really thought she was maybe going to die, even post partum) would totally impair someone to make a LONG term decision? Allison was acting in the now- unable really to see even to the end of the day- let alone the future beyond.

Just to add a little more about PTSD- it's usually not clinically diagnosed until the symptoms have lasted longer than 30 days. Remember, the adoption happened when the babies were 6 weeks old (and remember too Allison had only been home from the hospital about a month). It really isn't feasible to say well she should have gotten help. At that point, the mental fallout would very conceivably been hitting a low point (esp. add in the month home of caring for newborn babies).

Step into Allison's mind frame and you can see where coercion comes in. FOr months on end, depressing, suffering, and isolating months on end- you begin to fear you won't even make it. Then, at birth, you nearly die. You go home, thinking things will be ok (or maybe in shock still). Then you're so weak, so tired. She may have felt like a failure. Undoubtedly at some point in time she thought to herself "I made a mistake doing this". Who wouldn't? We women don't get pregnant (especially the first time) ever DREAMING this illness exists- or that we will be as sick as we get. The "boyfriend" is telling her to adopt- telling her Allison- what if you die? What will happen to the babies? Then she almost does die at their birth. Then she's home and mentally is disabled- her thinking completely affected and distorted- depressed, scared, hopeless, overwhelmed, questioning herself. Physically- exhuasted, weak, she's lost all "excess" fat, and she's lost alot of muscle as well (the body burns it up to sustain itself while in starvation mode) and she's probably in pain (common in an HG recovery). Some moms aren't even able to eat properly still post partum or maybe have very little appetite. The boyfriend contacts several lawyers. They bring her in. Another thing that was edited was that Allsion did NOT think this was a permanent placement. She NEVER did think she would never have her kids again.

After the 911 call, she's taken alone back to her home with the babies and no help. She's so weak she can't even get two babies and two car seats into a car. I know this experience personally. There were times I did actually feel VERY stranded. Like Allison I suffered HG til the end of my twin pregnancy and like her I had life threatening complications and was very very ill. I too had an emergency c/s to protect MY health. I went home, still unable to eat, underweight, anemic and in pain. I, however was married and 20 years younger than Allison. My c/s was a traumtically painful experience and as a result of that and the HG I too was left with PPD and PTSD. I suffered anxiety for the first time in my life. At teh worst, I didn't even care what happened to me- I had suicidal ideation at times. Mostly I was gripped with anxiety. I was most literally unable to take my two 5 lb babies in their car seats to the car. I was post C/S and could barely walk. Getting my babies to the hospital for a Dr appointment involved 5 trips to the car. One trip per  8 lb car seat, one trip per baby, one trip for me and the baby bag. I couldn't pack in the double stroller in the car. It weighed over 35 lbs.

Having done the twin thing too, there were times I had to make the logistical decisions about WHO stays a few feet behind while I physically get the other baby to a car. Many times I would have to ask my older son (was who 5 at the time) to stay behind and watch his sister. (We don't have a usuable garage, so just getting babies in the house meant leaving one behind out in front of the hosue for a brief moment). Being in that physical and mental state- being told "you've made a mistake" over and over, yeah... that's coercion. That's exploitation.

Allsion did in fact hire help, I don't know all the details but I know she hired a part time nanny. Remember she was 47- her parents did not live close by, neither did her sister (out of state) and her parents are elderly with their own medical problems. I don't know where any other family was, or where her friends were- obviously they weren't there ENOUGH for her. But I can't fault HER for not advocating enough for herself. In that mental state (esp right at 6 weeks when PPD and PTSD would likely fully manefesting) she couldn't even probably MAKE those rational decisions to GET the help she did need.