Replies to '08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws'

My ex did exactly that through our marriage I felt like the biggest fool in the world not only that but the dumbest stupidest person ever when I would ask him what they were talking about I paid for it big time. I not only think it is rude but disrespectful I agree she can take french classes to learn the language but it shouldn't be happening in the first place.

 

His wife should be first priority over everyone including his mom!!  If there were a Hispanic person speaking in front of a American in law I would say the same thing. Respect,respect,respect.....Im glad that they hold on to their french language but there is a time and a place maybe they could offer to teach her then she would feel included.

Yes, I would - because it is RUDE.  The only reason to speak another language in the presence of someone who doesn't understand it is to exclude that person from the conversation and make them feel bad. 

 

If you only ever speak French with your son when Amanda isn't around, how could she be aware that you do it at all?  I don't think the situation was misrepresented.  I think the behavior speaks for itself.

I would be just as critical about Hispanics or Greeks or any other ethnic group speaking in their native language in front of me.  It is rude regardless of the language.  And if French is his native language, not using it for a while won't cause him to forget it.  Get a grip and get out of their lives!  It is a good thing you aren't my mother-in-law!

Misrepresented, then maybe you should speak to the producers about that.

It is rude when you know that the other person is being left out for lack of understanding, it really is, tell me if you couldn NOT speak English, and that's the language everyone used (this of course KNOWING they're bi lingual) around you, would YOU not feel left out and maybe a bit paranoid as to what's being said ? Yes I would imagine you would.  My sister and I are lucky enough to know the language, enough to get through Montreal or Quebec City, so yeah when my SIL and her Mom started that crap in front of me, and I was answering them, they soon stopped.

I wonder though why her husband dosen't try teaching her some phrases ?

I can't wait for you to read my post. You cleary have issues. Take care of them yourself instead of blaming someone else. Join a club, find a hobby, get a job! Hey- teach French!

First off, I'm a translator (French and Spanish).  (As an aside, the woman who worked on the show was functioning as an interpreter, not a translator.  Translators work with documents.)

 

The relationship between Pierre, his mother, and his wife is crazy dysfunctional--no doubt about it.

 

Even so, I honestly don't see anything wrong with Pierre's mother speaking to her son in French, even when his wife is present.  So what?  Foreign languages aren't some big conspiracy and you don't use them just to tell secrets about other people.  Maybe Pierre's mother only spoke French with him while he was growing up.  Maybe that language is more intimate and expressive for her.  Maybe it feels cold to her to address her son in English. 

 

I am a native English speaker, who lived in a Spanish-speaking country for a number of years.  Fluent to the point of bilinguality, there was still a different feel to both of the languages.  For example, I could only pray and count in English.  Too, if I held a baby or a sweet little pet, I would coo to it in English.  Languages are used for so much than just to communicate information.  If you have more than one language, they are usually not interchangeable.  It seems perfectly normal to me that a mother would want to and would develop the habit of speaking her native language with her son. 

Unless you're unable to speak English speaking in a foreign language (French, Spanish, German etc) while in the company of others is *extremely rude* and is the same as whispering at the table.  The main purpose of manners is to make those around you feel comfortable and at ease and whispering or speaking in a foreign tongue implies you're saying things you do not want that person to hear &/or you're saying insulting things about her.   Clearly it isn't just the food you're speaking of when you go into your French ramble and this wasn't that big of a leap for your DIL to make since you're insulting to her in English. 

 

I have to say I have 3 young adult sons & I feel so sorry for yours!  I heard him say he didn't want to have to cut things off with you & not just because of the money & things but because it would sever things & you wouldn't be in his life.  How sad that you've put your son in this position where he has to choose.  And you can say you're "misrepresented" all you want but it's very clear that you only see what you want & your side.  We did all see in the restaurant that you waited for her to leave to speak French but this isn't the only palce where you've done this and Amanda can hear you speaking French and she knows it's so that if she over hears she is not understanding while you're telling her husband horrible things about her.  We also heard the tranlation of what you'd said!  We heard you telling your son that he "could do so much better" & that he "could do no worse".    And yes many of us also caught the "American women" comment and you're upset that we're being critical of you?  Let me tell you with you for a MIL I wouldn't be surprised if Amanda spends hours at the bar while you're in their company.  And as far as Amanda not being "well educated" you know she could always go back to school, but when are you going to aquire some emotional intelligence and *manners*. 

I don't think you get what everyone is so PO'ed about. It is not so much that you were speaking French to your son as it is the fact that you were saying terrible things about her and you were doing it in your native language to attempt to hide it from Amanda (should she happen to come along at the wrong moment) and the show. This was done because Amanda suspected you were doing this and she was right.

 

I think Dr. Phil was spot on about you and what your son and wife should do in regards to their toxic relationship with you. If you have so much knowledge about psychology, it would benefit you to start taking your own inventory and straightening out your own issues. This post says to me you are in complete denial about your behavior.

The fact is that you are a very domineering parent.  You are trying to use your power to control your son and his decisions.  His life has got nothing to do with you.  He is a grown up. And you need to grow up. You are having power struggles and asking him to choose between his wife and you and this is all about yourself you are thinking about and not about your son.  How selfish you are! This is unfortunate because you will be the one who loses.  There are other values that are more important than monetary items and I certainly hope that he realises this and chooses to live elsewhere without you being around.  You need to go to counselling and get help on control issues and get your own life.  You don't seem to be a happy lady, and I use the term "lady" loosely here.  Leave your son alone to choose his own path.  And if he has chosen someone that you don't approve of, then too bad because that is his decision.  Be respectful of your son and his wife.  And also,my dear lady, you need to learn some manners.  (By the way, his wife stated that you have spoken french in the past when she is present.)