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Replies to 'Cheated On'
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July 28, 2005, 2:05 pm PDT
 Quote From: played It seems that cheating, lying men are running about in great numbers. My, now ex, husband declared he wanted a divorce because he didn't love me anymore and wanted to go work on/ find himself.
Of course that was a lie and I knew it. I knew where the woman worked that I felt he was seeing, I had even seen her, but did not know her name. He even admitted at one point tht he was inolved with another woman, but then said he made that up to hurt me.
Months after the divorce was final he called and wanted to talk. He thought we should try to get back together. We decided to work things out. Of course, don't you know, he had been celibate all of this time, blah, blah, blah. I really should have never done this. For now I have concrete proof that he was with this woman (27 years younger than he) long before I our divorce papers were even filed.
He continues to lie and lie. I told him I have proof, but he won't cave until I show it to him. He insists very emphatically that he will NEVER admit he had an affair because he didn't. So with this attitude I can no longer even try to go on with him.
I just need to know how to get the strength to just stay away from him. I KNOW I need to. I've started back in counseling to help me with that.
Advice?
I've already done the church thing, the singles group thing, the dating thing, the staying busy thing. But all I want is to be with him. God, what is wrong with this? With me?
I just ordered two books on how to break addiction to a person.
I feel now that I am just a waiting spot in his life. That he waiting for something else to come along or for that slut to take him back. He denies of course, but he is such an accomplished liar I find myself not believing ANYTHING he says. I need to break my connection with him.
HELP! Girl, there is nothing wrong with you!! There is something wrong with him...he is a very skilled liar and manipulator, and it is GOOD that you already know this-- but since you know this, you have to believe in yourself and get away from this man. You have precious women's intuition for very important reasons- you have an inner voice that guides you, what you need to do is listen to it carefully. Its good that you have ordered books to try to help yourself, but what would happen if the next time he called and wanted to get together, you simply said, "no"...? I urge you to try it, and don't call back. You've got to make a resolution with yourself to stop this back and forth thing with him, because what you feel to be true most likely is; that you are just a waiting spot.
It must be very difficult to look him in the eye when he won't even admit to you that he was with another woman...just because he won't admit it doesn't mean he didn't, and you already know this. You have the inner strength to do this!! You do have it in you, you just don't know it yet. Keep trying to keep yourself busy, keep trying to improve yourself, but most important, listen to your inner voice and LOVE yourself! Once you can truly love and respect yourself, other people will, too. Take care and I wish you the best, because you do deserve it. |
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August 4, 2005, 11:45 am PDT
Quote From: played It seems that cheating, lying men are running about in great numbers. My, now ex, husband declared he wanted a divorce because he didn't love me anymore and wanted to go work on/ find himself.
Of course that was a lie and I knew it. I knew where the woman worked that I felt he was seeing, I had even seen her, but did not know her name. He even admitted at one point tht he was inolved with another woman, but then said he made that up to hurt me.
Months after the divorce was final he called and wanted to talk. He thought we should try to get back together. We decided to work things out. Of course, don't you know, he had been celibate all of this time, blah, blah, blah. I really should have never done this. For now I have concrete proof that he was with this woman (27 years younger than he) long before I our divorce papers were even filed.
He continues to lie and lie. I told him I have proof, but he won't cave until I show it to him. He insists very emphatically that he will NEVER admit he had an affair because he didn't. So with this attitude I can no longer even try to go on with him.
I just need to know how to get the strength to just stay away from him. I KNOW I need to. I've started back in counseling to help me with that.
Advice?
I've already done the church thing, the singles group thing, the dating thing, the staying busy thing. But all I want is to be with him. God, what is wrong with this? With me?
I just ordered two books on how to break addiction to a person.
I feel now that I am just a waiting spot in his life. That he waiting for something else to come along or for that slut to take him back. He denies of course, but he is such an accomplished liar I find myself not believing ANYTHING he says. I need to break my connection with him.
HELP!
Liars and cheats have been in the world since day one. Men seem to have the cheating advantage, but I am sorry to say it looks like women are coming up fast.
OF COURSE, he was working on finding himself. But this is only half a sentence. He was working on finding himself...... a new bit of skirt. See, very clear when you complete the sentence. But you already knew that.
I bet he cannot even spell celibate, much less demonstrate it.
The one thing you can be sure of is that the hoochie dumped him. That is why he saw the light.
Cheaters confess in stages in the best circumstance. Their motto is "deny, deny, deny and when shown proof, continue to deny". If caught red-handed (or whatever) say it only happened once and WILL NEVER happen again. Never mind about the other hundred times-they don't count cos you didn't get caught.
Your refusal to produce you proof has him worried. He cannot make up a good story until he know the details now can he? How inconsiderate of you to make him have to think and maybe even tell SOME truth just by accident. NOT
The WORST mistake I made with my H was to show him the emails I had found. IF you do share your proof make sure you have another copy hidden where he cannot get to it.
You know the answer to your question. You cannot trust him and without trust I do not know why you would stay. Truth is this is probably just the one you found out about.
Keep doing the extra stuff, church, dating, staying busy, etc. AND you need physical and emotional distance from him. He can only keep you waiting if you cooperate. Do not go to his home and do not let him visit you. Don't go to places he will be or drive past his office. If there are kids get a third party to act as go-between when he picks them up. Let answer machine take his messages and keep conversation you must have short and relevant. DO NOT wander down memory lane with him. And most of all-DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.
My next question is did you remarry? I hope not.
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March 16, 2006, 11:04 am PST
Quote From: played It seems that cheating, lying men are running about in great numbers. My, now ex, husband declared he wanted a divorce because he didn't love me anymore and wanted to go work on/ find himself.
Of course that was a lie and I knew it. I knew where the woman worked that I felt he was seeing, I had even seen her, but did not know her name. He even admitted at one point tht he was inolved with another woman, but then said he made that up to hurt me.
Months after the divorce was final he called and wanted to talk. He thought we should try to get back together. We decided to work things out. Of course, don't you know, he had been celibate all of this time, blah, blah, blah. I really should have never done this. For now I have concrete proof that he was with this woman (27 years younger than he) long before I our divorce papers were even filed.
He continues to lie and lie. I told him I have proof, but he won't cave until I show it to him. He insists very emphatically that he will NEVER admit he had an affair because he didn't. So with this attitude I can no longer even try to go on with him.
I just need to know how to get the strength to just stay away from him. I KNOW I need to. I've started back in counseling to help me with that.
Advice?
I've already done the church thing, the singles group thing, the dating thing, the staying busy thing. But all I want is to be with him. God, what is wrong with this? With me?
I just ordered two books on how to break addiction to a person.
I feel now that I am just a waiting spot in his life. That he waiting for something else to come along or for that slut to take him back. He denies of course, but he is such an accomplished liar I find myself not believing ANYTHING he says. I need to break my connection with him.
HELP! I so can relate. I've done this dance with my husband for almost eight years( married for five). It seems whenever we were together he was not satisfied and sought out other women and when I'd leave or send him packing he wanted nothing but to be with me. This last time was the final straw and it's been only a week and already he is trying to get back. The thing is he is a huge liar. He never apologizes, shows any remorse or take any responsibility. I allowed that all these years but finally I decided enough. He needs to deal with those issues for lying and cheating and always seeking something or someone else. My constantly taking him back with no changes did not encourage him to do that. What has helped me to break the connection this time is realizing that couldn't have been much of a connection. Sure there were lies, disrespect, dishonesty, disregard, disconnection. But no connection. Break away by connecting to yourself. |
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