Replies to 'Troubled Teens'

I am also having trouble with my soon to be 16 year old. He still lives at home and doesn't threatened to run away, but says when he's 17 he's moving out. He has been recently stating some pretty disturbing things and sporting a disturbing attitude.  I can't get anyone to take it as seriously as I feel it is. I do not want to discredit my son in anyway by anything I say in concern. but he needs some help. He was diagnosed with Oppositional defiance disorder and add. He doesn't like taking his meds and being a single mom of four going in so many different directions, I cannot stay on top of it.

His dad just recently came back into his life after 4 years. He thought for sure now that he would finally get to see him play in his games.....still, his dad never showed and had all the excuses. My son had made SO much progress up until that point, now it seems he teters on the fence from the old problems (and worse issues) to potentially doing better. He is clearly an angry young man. He seems to have become quite racial, beyond my belief at times. When the shootings happened in Virginia. His reaction was that he was upset that the shooter was asian and not white because he had just made american history.  He says he wants to join the Marines instead of going to college....yesterday he tells me that he wishes to be in the marine special forces because all they do is kill. And that him and some of his buddies are planning to dress up like kkk for holloween.  The funny thing is....he just got in trouble last week at school with another one of his buddies for harassing another boy and making a prank phone call to the boys mother (a friend of mine) and that buddy is an african american boy. I don't get it. There's so much more to this story, I feel it would take a life time to explain.

The one thing I do know to tell you is that my father...a good man...loves his children and means well......was also overbearing, narrow minded, stubborn and set in his ways.  I didn't ever do much to rebel....and he gave me an ultimatum my choices or to not have a relationship with him and it has hurt us badly and still is...it has hurt my children....and now, with my son....he informed me the other day that he was planning to tell him the same thing.  Do Not Do it to yours! It will only make things worse. You can be there for your kids with out enabling them. You have to be creative.

I took my sons playstation away for two weeks because of his attitude and his anger he was displayingy yesterday. He bought the game himself, so he has a problem with this. I have a problem with it influencing him too much, but try to just monitor the games he gets and regulate it.  So he likes to lift weights after school for football season preparation. He was supposed to be grounded for two weeks from going anywhere also. He called from school today to appologize and asked if he could stay. I let him know that I realized he was only kissing up to get what he wanted.  So I asked him what consequences was he willing to trade for the right to go to weightlifting. He said I could keep his game all summer. Since that was an issue for us, I thought that was a good trade. Exersize raises the seratonin levels in the brain, so it is a good thing for him to do...he doesn't feel squashed and I get the game that I feel is bad for him.  You have to be creative. I don't always get that lucky, but I hope the story helps