Replies to '07/31 Strung Out!'

How very fortunate you are to have made it through that journey alive.  Often, even when an addict knows they want to be clean, the addiction is so much more important that they just can't find their way through treatment.  And, most treatment programs are so very expensive and not covered by insurance that the average addict who has already sold everything valuable in their home, can't afford it.

Anyway, I am truely happy that there are people like you who have found your way.  Keep it up!

I watched this special with the hopes that I would see something that maybe was new to me regarding the addiction of Meth.  I then came to the message board hoping to see something that would give me inspiration and hopes that there is recovery from Meth.  Iread your message and wanted you to know that I am very proud of your success.  Your message is what i was looking for as it shows that there is life after physical recovery and that it is never to late.

In 1999 I married my high school sweetheart after being in a relationship with him for 7 years.  When we were married he had been clean from Meth for 2 years as suggested through his recovery program that he wait at least this long to make any commitments.  Every day was a struggle for him and I could see at times his need for something more however it appeared as if he was content.  Unfortunately 3 years ago while I was pregnant with our second child he ran into his old play-mates and his sobriety and strong will failed him.  He began using again and slowly our lives fell apart.  I made a decision after several months of begging and pleading for him to get help that it was time that my children and I leave him to self destuct.  He had become paranoid, verbally and physically abusive and at times would be gone without concern for himself or his children.  He also had started a relationship outside our marriage as well with someone that needless to say was half his age.  Love was not the issue as when you love someone it just does not go away even in the midst of horrible turmoil.  I had gone through this with him before with his addiction and I could see that he was suffering terribly.  This time however I had children and they were the priority...not him.

As of today we are divorced, I have full-sole custody of our children and he has occasional visitation.  He has lost everything that was important to him, his home, his children, steady source of income, friends, security, respect of himself and most important his serenity and belief in his higher power. Most recently he was incarcerated due to monitoring of his probation being violated because of Meth being in his system.  He is not responsible for anything that he does and blames everyone else for his failures.  He has made undescribeable choices that are hard to explain

I do not love him anymore but wish for his well being for the sake of our children.  I pray for him to find sobriety and serenity.  I remind myself everyday of the 3 C's as I have always been a great enabler however I work everyday to try and change that!

I have found someone wonderful in my life that is a great sounding board, loves me and my children dearly and it is more then I could of ever hoped for.  I believe now that good things can come to those who wait.  My dad (who has been sober for 8 years) told me last year while we were sitting on his porch that one of my greatest accomplishments in life was breaking the cycle of addition.  While this came at a cost and something that I never thought would happen to me I hope that he is right. 

Thank you for sharing, it really made me see that there is life after losing everything and this is something that I hope for my childrens father everyday.