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September 26, 2005, 11:28 pm PDT
Sex
Quote From: jrmaroBear w/ me, as this is my first time on this site. I'm hoping someone out there has some solid advice and maybe even been in this situation. I am currently seperated w/ my husband and living w/ a man that I am 'seeing'. I have been married for 5 years and have been w/ my husband for a total of six years. The man I'm living w/ I have been w/ for a month longer than my husband and...they are related. The man I am living w/ was always in a relationship and that is why we had an affair. There was a total of 2 years when I did not speak to this man, but always thought of him. I believed he was my 'true love' but married my husband because I knew he would never leave his girlfriend of 20 some years. Well, over the summer he finally left his girlfriend. My husband has known all along about the affair. I always told him it would not continue, but I just couldnt control my impulses. Outside of sex, I love my marriage w/ my husband. However, there is absolutely no passion between us and never has been since day 1. That is what drives me to the other man. We have such chemistry. I feel guilty about what I have done to my husband. I want to know how to have a marriage where there is no passion. I just have no sexual attraction to him. I also dont know how to get over my feelings for the man I am seeing. However, I would be willing to do whatever it takes to not see him anymore. That I can handle, but I cant handle not having sexual desires for my husband. Please note that it is not just that the passion faded, it was never there to begin w/. I want to finally stop being so immature by having an affair and want to be the wife my husband deserves. Is there anyone out there that can relate?
I Maybe if you would quit running to the other guy and actually start working on your marriage then maybe the passion would come. If you feel guilty and really want your marriage to be loving, good and lasting, then you have to do something about it. How does your husabnd feel and have you ever discussed these things with him? And if there has never been any passion between you from the start, why in the heck did you marry him? And if you are willing to do whatever it takes to not to see this other man, then, why haven't you done it? How badly do you want your marriage? There are good marriage counselors and resources out there to help in these situations but you have to want it bad enough to get the help that you need. It isn't easy to maintain a good loving marriage but it is possible. It takes two to make a strong marriage but sometimes it only takes one to get the ball rolling and it may need to start with you, and the first thing you need to do is get rid of the other man and seek out the help and if you are not willing/able to do this, then take the easy way out, get a divorce and quit having affairs. You said this man has always been in a relationship so in other words, he has cheated as well, and remember what goes around comes around. Chances are if he cheated then he will do it again and the same goes with you, unless you actually get the help that you need to overcome it. Marriage is a committment etween two people, not three, so you have to make a decission, your husabnd or the other man. In my opinion, if you honestly and truly loved your husband, you wouldn't have an affair. I believe the passion could get there if you tried hard enough but again, you have to want it and work for it...................
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