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Replies to 'Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?'

 
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October 17, 2005, 12:29 pm PDT

exaggerating illness

Quote From: fyte4acure

I had a good talk with the relative.  I told her how I felt, and did not get all upset at her and allowed her to vent.  Although I do have to bite my lip from saying harsh things because I get frustrated with the way she does things, I must remember that I love her, and that telling her I am really concerned with her, and hope she gets better is what she truly needs.  I suppose some need the extra love and attention when they aren't getting it elsewheres, or maybe they are depressed.  She told me she is depressed, without my even asking.  She felt good to vent to me, even though it was hard to bite my lip.  But I am glad I could be there for her.  I just wish I could help her by listening to her, and it's hard to when exaggeration comes into play.  I did tell her that I truly feel the meds are making her into someone else, and she agreed which was a surprise to me.  She thanks me for my concern, and she knows why I'm upset.  It was nice to use this site as a sound board.  After I wrote this posting I thought more and more about the options I had and it came clear to me that I should just try to talk to her.  Luckily she wasn't defensive this time, and luckily I bit my lip and listened. 

  

Posting to myself since no one responded... but might be reading this... 

  

Kristie : ) 

 This is my mother-in-law.  Some people live to serve; this lady lives to suffer.  She seeks out pity and sympathy.  She has been living with us for the last six years.  She has no responsibilities; financial or otherwise.  Any restrictions are met with resentment.  Not only is her glass half empty, but she measures it constantly.  She chatters incessantly about nothing.  I feel like I am being stoned to death with popcorn.
 

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February 8, 2006, 6:02 am PST

Kristie

Quote From: fyte4acure

I had a good talk with the relative.  I told her how I felt, and did not get all upset at her and allowed her to vent.  Although I do have to bite my lip from saying harsh things because I get frustrated with the way she does things, I must remember that I love her, and that telling her I am really concerned with her, and hope she gets better is what she truly needs.  I suppose some need the extra love and attention when they aren't getting it elsewheres, or maybe they are depressed.  She told me she is depressed, without my even asking.  She felt good to vent to me, even though it was hard to bite my lip.  But I am glad I could be there for her.  I just wish I could help her by listening to her, and it's hard to when exaggeration comes into play.  I did tell her that I truly feel the meds are making her into someone else, and she agreed which was a surprise to me.  She thanks me for my concern, and she knows why I'm upset.  It was nice to use this site as a sound board.  After I wrote this posting I thought more and more about the options I had and it came clear to me that I should just try to talk to her.  Luckily she wasn't defensive this time, and luckily I bit my lip and listened. 

  

Posting to myself since no one responded... but might be reading this... 

  

Kristie : ) 

Hi!  I know exactly what type of person you are talking about.  Back in high school, my best friend was like that.  She went on to get married and have 2 children after high school and her whining just got worse and worse.  I happened to mention it to my Mom and she gave me some great advice that I still use today if I encounter someone like that.  The advice was that whenever my friend started whining about having this illness or that pain, etc., I should just simply say "I sure am glad that I don't have that!" and leave it at that.  It worked!  It only took a couple of times of saying that to her and she completely stopped whining to me.  I have tried it on other people I have encountered as well and it works every time.  Thanks Mom for that truly useful advice! 

  

-Robin 

 


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