Replies to '05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run'

 None of these people deserve what they got. They just have totally different agendas and different expectations from life.

This man is a good person with a control problem that was pushed over the edge when the wife cheated on him. She obviously has her own issues if she thought that cheating was OK (Dr. Phil, THIS is HER fault) and if she thought that going to a party, taking pictures "close" to men "friends" while the father of her children was getting help for obsessive jelousy, was appropriate and helpful to anyone. I think she wanted to hurt him where it hurts him most, at a time when he was most vulnerable (we don't know about his adjustment to medication) and likely to do something even more stupid... I am not very surprised by the result; it was quite predictable.

I don't agree that "nothing" is her fault. She enjoyed a life of material security while she realy also wanted her freedom. She got burned and lost. He married a young  and immature, beautiful woman,  for the type of marriage some other woman would be perhaps happy to have but she wasn't ready for.  He got burned and he lost  even his mind.

Now he is in jail and she is still on "my space" and getting thousands of dollars from people. Is she proud of it? How is she any better? I think she should focus on herself and the kids, rely on herself, her family and close friends she knows really well and get the psychological help she needs (that and legal help should be the only ones for free). That may help her mature instead of keeping getting free rides and flundering around "my space".  She should stop the silly "my space" stuff, stop seeing and taking pictures with men and focus on her children while her husband gets through this ordeal. Otherwise, SHE WILL PUSH HIM OVER THE EDGE EVEN MORE.

I don't think this man deserves to be in jail. He accepted the help in his dillusion that he can have this woman that is totaly unfit to him while asking her to take time off from "friends". Was that too much to ask? No. She could have done this much; after all, with all that he had done wrong, he had provided for her; he IS and will be the father of her children. But: he should be forced to take the help while she keeps a low profile and works through her own issues.

Both are better off without each other. Quite francly, I think that she contributed to escalating the problem while feeling protected by, this time,  Dr. Phil's team. I think she felt the wrong kind of empowerment and I think her husband felt put down and humiliated more than he deserved and could take. This is how I see it.

Dr. Phil, get these people help (both of them!) and get this woman the mature advice you are capable of, so her kids will eventually have a father sending her child support instead of relying on public mercy. She is young, she can work. ...and there are day cares which you may want to pay for for a while.

Who knows? This man seems to have stronger family values than her and if he learns to cope with such extreme worry and jelousy, he may be an even more fit parent for those kids than she seems to be now.

For all reading, and before you fire at my perspective, my ex is a rather libile man and on "my space" a lot instead of working at his potential and sending money to his kid. He made threats after separation and I stood up for him (without him knowing) because in 16 years of marriage and after 10 years of separation I know he would not hurt anyone, and he has not. Yes, he was trying to control things that way and that's not my problem. But we DO have a responsibility to act tactfuly, NOT agravate things! Some people DO have a stronger fight or flight reactions and DO lack coping skills. They can worry until they get sick and over the edge. I kept my ex out of jail and I stand for it. He would have been of no use to his son there and  he is no threat  to anyone. I want my son to value the best in his father, not put his father in extreme situations that I would be somewhat responsible for.

I am not saying these men don't need to be monitored. Monitoring is crucial for safety in such cases. But I think some of the actions and opinions in this particular case have been somewhat extreme and too much fear driven.

Everyone knows that he's crazy! I assume Jennifer knows too? No one understands how she lived this long with it this bad and had certain freedoms and did nothing. No one understands how she could be scared and still rubbed his nose in it. No one is questioning what a weirdo he is. We just want to know why she had to have so much help from a TV show when she could have left a long time ago. This woman had resources. She didn't stay for the kids. She stayed because of her status and thought she could manipulate her life to not lose her lifestyle and still be able to fool around. She knows what pushes his buttons and she knew the more she did that the crazier he looked ....and became and the more everyone would excuse her.