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Replies to '08/21 Anatomy of Abuse'
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May 13, 2007, 3:50 pm PDT
 Quote From: ceildh1 Okay, I usually pretty compassionate to the plight of abused people, NO ONE, I don't give a damn if you signed some piece of paper with them or gave birth to them, NO ONE has the right to abuse or terrorize another person. Should her parents "Butt Out", hell no they should be there for their grandchildren, who should be removed from Mom's custody until SHE gets her head straightened out and until Dad's anger is under control, she KNOWS what he's doing, and isn't this the guy that has been doing it to the kids as well ? They both ned a time out from one another, LOVE DOES NOT HURT either party involved. By her parents butting out, she will be further isolated, and he gets a free pass to do what he will. For the sake of her children, she should be forcing him to get help, now saying that I know she can't really "Force him to do anything he chooses not to do, that's a fact, but her children didn't sign up for this, she has a choice, they don't so yes I feel they should be removed unless and until BOTH parents get the help they need to either A) Stay together in a healthy way, or B) are able to split up and co parent effectivly. He can change, but it will take a lot of growing up on his part, and a lot of painful and intensive therapy and soul searching to do it. She too can change, but it will take the same on her part, but the children are the ones who are truly suffering for it, and for their sake I hope these two can get it together.
my name is helen and iam 32 years old. My husband and i have just spilt up.because he was abuse to me and my eldest daughter from a previous relationship.He will swear,hit and everything else.But when he settles down he blames it all on me and the 3 kids he feels if we had just done what he said he would not have gone off the deepend.Yes there are 3 kids involved in this 2 witch are his but its me and my older daughter that will cop it and the yougest child as well the middle child seems to miss out because she is his favourite child.I have put up with this from him for 10 years i walked out once before and after 3 months i took him back cause he said he would change but he never did.We now have been spilt up for 2 months and the kids and i couldnt be more happier.Theres no way that i will take him back this time.Because i have realized that he wil not change and he dtill feels that he doesnt have a problem.He used to put the kids down all the time with name calling he would call them pigs and this and that.He had his own son not eating at school because he felt like a pig if he did eat and he became really sick from it and all most ended up in hospital because of it.My parents new that he was a bit of a loud mouth but they didnt know how bad it was until i threw him out.He is even still trying to run my life even after we have spilt up.A dear friend of mine that is a guy that i have known for over 25 years has had phone calls from him saying that it is his fault that we have spilt up.My husband even told him if he rings or writes or sends emails to me that he will come up to where he lives and knock him down a few steps.So me and my friend had to go to the police and report it.And my friend hasnt heard from him again.My enstanged husband is still blaming my friend and my family about what has happened and he still wont take any of the blame.I am just glade that he doesnt come near me or the kids at the moment because he knows i wint let him see them until he gets help |
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May 14, 2007, 4:57 pm PDT
Quote From: ceildh1 Okay, I usually pretty compassionate to the plight of abused people, NO ONE, I don't give a damn if you signed some piece of paper with them or gave birth to them, NO ONE has the right to abuse or terrorize another person. Should her parents "Butt Out", hell no they should be there for their grandchildren, who should be removed from Mom's custody until SHE gets her head straightened out and until Dad's anger is under control, she KNOWS what he's doing, and isn't this the guy that has been doing it to the kids as well ? They both ned a time out from one another, LOVE DOES NOT HURT either party involved. By her parents butting out, she will be further isolated, and he gets a free pass to do what he will. For the sake of her children, she should be forcing him to get help, now saying that I know she can't really "Force him to do anything he chooses not to do, that's a fact, but her children didn't sign up for this, she has a choice, they don't so yes I feel they should be removed unless and until BOTH parents get the help they need to either A) Stay together in a healthy way, or B) are able to split up and co parent effectivly. He can change, but it will take a lot of growing up on his part, and a lot of painful and intensive therapy and soul searching to do it. She too can change, but it will take the same on her part, but the children are the ones who are truly suffering for it, and for their sake I hope these two can get it together. Wow - I can't wait to see this show. Let me just tell you I was in an verbally/emotionally abusive marriage for 27 years and I would have denied while I was in it. It wasn't until after I finally left when I had the affair rubbed in my face ("Who wouldn't cheat on you") that I really heard that abuse didn't have to be physical. Before you judge the women who stay please understand that abusive men are very good manipulators. My marriage started off with very little and then it started to increase little by little.
A counselor talks about the "frog experiment". Two pans of water, one room temp and one boiling. A frog is put in the boiling water and immediately jumps out. Another frog is put in the room temp water, the heat is put on low. The frog will "acclimate" until it boils to death. Many women out there are about to boil to death. I would never go to counseling or get help. It would blow the "cover" of the perfect family. |
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