Quote From: jlposasI know to most people the answer seems easy...GET OUT! it's easier said than done if you are in that type of relationship. Her parents should not butt out, they should be calling CPS and getting their grandchildren out of that house asap. She is lucky to have someone to butt in. My ex husband was abusive and belittled me every time he opened his mouth and he had me isolated from everyone. He told me when i could go out and who i could talk to, I wish i would have been brave enough to walk out the door but it's the fear that keeps you there. When your life is being threatend (which i'm sure is happening) it's not that easy to "just leave". I used to think people were insane for staying with a person that was like that, until i was in that position. I was sure i would end up dead some day and when i finally got the backbone to leave it was because i told myself there is no way in hell that i would stay and let him kill me and somehow get away with it and be the person to raise my children, and i was not going to let someone else raise them if he didn't get away with it. I know how the fear can overpower you and any common sense you do have but if she has her family, she needs to let them help her get out. I hope for her sake and the sake of her children that she takes that help & if she won't then i pray that someone will help the children even if it means calling child protective services to get them out.
It is easy to past judgement onto the abuser and the victim. No one knows why you stay in a relationship that is abusive, except you yourself. There is different fears that the victim feels. Some of it comes from how the abuser makes you feel or what he says during the belittlement and the abuse. Remember the victim is caught up in trying to know what to do and how to do what is right for herself and her children. A lot of emotions are there and I commend the parents for seeing what needed done and stepping in as it is difficult for the victim sometimes to think rationally because of all the emotions. Resources for abuse are available, but sometimes we do not know where to go during the ordeal. I know I took a number of educational classes on abusive relationships before I got the courage to leave the abuser. The do make you feel you cannot function without them by being in control of who you see, talk to, and finances. My last straw was my husband kicking my 2 year old across the room. That was 15 years ago. It took me showing him that I could stand up and fight back with a lawyer, judge, protective custody, police backup. This does scare them into reality and he feared loosing his entire family. I would not even talk to him till he had counseling, Found out he did love me and the children and didn't want to loose us. The physical abuse did not happen again. He is afraid he will go to jail. But now, after all this, he started verbally abusing the children several years ago. WE PRAY when he begins to yell. He stops after he knows we don't argue or give him reason to continue to yell. Sometimes I think he will snap back to physical abuse, but it has not happened yet. I am not afraid of him as I know it is not my fault he acts this way and I have let the children know it is not their fault either. Did I do wrong by taking him back? Sometimes the children think I should have left him, but everyone has some good in them. Counseling is good. More counseling is better.
Prayers move mountains. I cannot fault her for taking him back. I say "Good for You" for him admitting that he needs help. That is the first step to recovery. Sorry mother in law, your son is not a Mr. goodie and needs help, but this does not mean you were or are a bad mother. Just don't be quick to open your mouth till you know all the facts. Thank God, my father in law was able to control my mother in law when he found out what was going on. Again, pray,pray,pray.
