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Replies to 'Co-Parenting'
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May 13, 2007, 4:42 pm PDT
 Quote From: mac2372 I AM A "BIO"MOM AS WELL AS A STEPMOTHER. MY STEP CHILDREN HAVE NEVER CALLED ME MOM BUT ONE OF THE TWO THINKS OF ME AS HIS MOTHER. THE OTHER VIEWS ME AS DIRT. AS A MOTHER HOWEVER I AM COPARENTING MY SONS LIFE WITH HIS DAD AND OTHER MOTHER. SHE IS THE STEP IN THIS INSTANCE. I ADORE HER. SHE WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ME OR I ABOUT HER OR MY EX HUSBAND. MY SON LOVES HER. I HAVE HEARD HIM REFER TO HER AS MOM. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME. HE REALIZED THAT I OVERHEARD (I WAS SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THEIR HOME WHILE DROPPING OUR CHILD OFF FOR THE SUMMER, WITH MY AUNT) AND WAS VERY WORRIED THAT I WOULD BE UPSET OR HURT. I TOLD HIM IT WAS FINE WITH ME THAT HE CALL HER MOM. SHE IS HIS MOM. WHEN HE IS IN HER HOME THAT IS THE ROLE HE FILLS. NONE OF US WOULD INSIST THAT HE DO SO. IT IS HIS CHOICE. IT ISN'T CONFUSING IN THE LEAST. HE KNOWS THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION. HE KNOWS I'M HIS MOMMY AND THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM AND HE CAME OUT OF MY STOMACH. HE KNOWS SHE MARRIED HIS DAD AND LOVES HIM AS SHE LOVES HER OWN TWO BABIES. TO HIM THAT MAKES HER A MOM. SHE BANDAGES HIS INJURIES AND BAKES BROWINES WITH HIM. THATS WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR HER TO BE HIS MOM. HE HAS GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S FROM HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY AS WELL AS AN UNCLE AND COUSINS. WHO AM I AS A "BIO" TO TAKE THAT FROM MY CHILD. THAT IS HIS FAMILY. THOSE ARE PEOPLE HE LOVES THAT LOVE HIM BACK. HE CAN CALL THEM ANYTHING HE CHOOSES. IT IS MY RESPONSABILITY TO BE MATURE ENOUGH TO MAKE SOME THINGS ABOUT MY SON. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS. THIS IS ABOUT HIM. NOT ME. A TITLE OR NAME DOESN'T CHANGE MY SIGNIFICANCE IN ANY FASHION. IT DOESN'T MAKE HIM LOVE ME ANY LESS OR HER ANY MORE. BUT MY ACCEPTANCE OF HIS CHOICE SHOWS MY LOVE FOR HIM AND HELPS HIM FEEL SECURE IN HIMSELF. THIS IS ABOUT THE CHILD. NOT ABOUT THE MOTHER. "BIO" MOMS LIKE THIS NEED TO STOP BEING SELFISH AND THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES. MAKE IT ABOUT THE KIDS. THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. First off, please refrain from using all caps. It is often construed as "shouting" and is quite difficult to read.
Second, I am not entirely sure you read my post all the way through, or if you did, you picked a few sentences out of context. The boilerplate in Georgia may be different than it is in FL concerning "shared responsibility," which is why I inserted the caveat about "where I live."
IF you and you ex- are on reasonable terms (which it sounds as though you are, good 4 you, but bear in mind that yours is the exception), and the "other mother" did not carry on as though you were dead, perhaps it is workable. Also, you do not mention either the age of your son at the time of your ex-'s remarriage or how much time elapsed between your ex-'s remarriage and your son's calling her "Mom." I imagine that it did not happen overnight.
In both the situation described in the post to which I was responding and my own, the first condition was not met. Unfortunately, in my situation (which, admittedly, I did not describe blow-by-blow), the (now ex-) stepmother carried on during a 3-month courtship and early on in the new marriage as though I were dead. My daughter was also told half-truths and utter lies about me by my ex-and his family, which the stepmom believed as gospel. Nevertheless, DD was free, e.g., to display/carry in her wallet whatever photos she wished. Ironically enough, now that the ex- is divorced from wife #2, HE has a bigger problem with DD carrying a photo of the ex-stepmom in her wallet than I do. In the situation the poster described, this issue about nomenclature was merely another skirmish in a long-running battle-of-the-exes.
Please re-read my last paragraph...yes, it is all about the child, which is why I concluded that the relationship w/the stepdaughter needed to take precedence over the title. |
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May 20, 2007, 5:54 pm PDT
Quote From: mac2372 I AM A "BIO"MOM AS WELL AS A STEPMOTHER. MY STEP CHILDREN HAVE NEVER CALLED ME MOM BUT ONE OF THE TWO THINKS OF ME AS HIS MOTHER. THE OTHER VIEWS ME AS DIRT. AS A MOTHER HOWEVER I AM COPARENTING MY SONS LIFE WITH HIS DAD AND OTHER MOTHER. SHE IS THE STEP IN THIS INSTANCE. I ADORE HER. SHE WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ME OR I ABOUT HER OR MY EX HUSBAND. MY SON LOVES HER. I HAVE HEARD HIM REFER TO HER AS MOM. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME. HE REALIZED THAT I OVERHEARD (I WAS SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THEIR HOME WHILE DROPPING OUR CHILD OFF FOR THE SUMMER, WITH MY AUNT) AND WAS VERY WORRIED THAT I WOULD BE UPSET OR HURT. I TOLD HIM IT WAS FINE WITH ME THAT HE CALL HER MOM. SHE IS HIS MOM. WHEN HE IS IN HER HOME THAT IS THE ROLE HE FILLS. NONE OF US WOULD INSIST THAT HE DO SO. IT IS HIS CHOICE. IT ISN'T CONFUSING IN THE LEAST. HE KNOWS THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION. HE KNOWS I'M HIS MOMMY AND THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM AND HE CAME OUT OF MY STOMACH. HE KNOWS SHE MARRIED HIS DAD AND LOVES HIM AS SHE LOVES HER OWN TWO BABIES. TO HIM THAT MAKES HER A MOM. SHE BANDAGES HIS INJURIES AND BAKES BROWINES WITH HIM. THATS WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR HER TO BE HIS MOM. HE HAS GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S FROM HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY AS WELL AS AN UNCLE AND COUSINS. WHO AM I AS A "BIO" TO TAKE THAT FROM MY CHILD. THAT IS HIS FAMILY. THOSE ARE PEOPLE HE LOVES THAT LOVE HIM BACK. HE CAN CALL THEM ANYTHING HE CHOOSES. IT IS MY RESPONSABILITY TO BE MATURE ENOUGH TO MAKE SOME THINGS ABOUT MY SON. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS. THIS IS ABOUT HIM. NOT ME. A TITLE OR NAME DOESN'T CHANGE MY SIGNIFICANCE IN ANY FASHION. IT DOESN'T MAKE HIM LOVE ME ANY LESS OR HER ANY MORE. BUT MY ACCEPTANCE OF HIS CHOICE SHOWS MY LOVE FOR HIM AND HELPS HIM FEEL SECURE IN HIMSELF. THIS IS ABOUT THE CHILD. NOT ABOUT THE MOTHER. "BIO" MOMS LIKE THIS NEED TO STOP BEING SELFISH AND THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES. MAKE IT ABOUT THE KIDS. THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. Here is the problem as I see it with kids calling step-parents mom or dad. If the ex-spouse gets divorced. then does their "mom" or "dad" disappear? What does that tell them about parents? A mom is a mom forever. That's what a mom is. not just a woman who bakes brownies for you-but someone who will dive in front of a truck for you and will never be separated from you, no matter what the marital situation. IF your ex and his wife got a divorce tomorrow, legally she has no claim to the children and probably will not see them anymore, or if she does for a while, probably will stop if she remarries. So refering to a step as 'mom', who by the same time next year could be out of their lives, does a disservice to moms and dads everywhere, who are in their childs future forever. |
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