Replies to 'Is This Normal?'

Hi everyone,

I am a first timer here on this message board. I hope it will help me a lot, because I really don't know who I would talk to.

Me and my husband have been married for 1.5 years now, and to get straight to the point, he is somewhat addicted to pornography. Now I have read some of the messages about this, and generally people agree on that it is not real, and just fantasies.

If you read my profile then you see the situation here a little bit. We once had a huge argument up to a point where we almost left each other, because my husband did not want to be married anymore because he just wanted to sleep with different women. When he calmed down he realized that is was not what he wanted in life, he wants a family and children, so we forgave each other for the fighting and moved on.

He still looks at a lot of pornography, and I tell him that if it's the way he wants to cope with things, it's fine.

It's not actually. I know my way around with computers very well, and I can track down everything that went on. I don't know why I look at the things he's been looking at, but I can't help it, I wish I could just ignore it. It makes me feel very upset, sad, miserable, and angry, up to a point that I can't stop shaking.

Is this something strange? Why am I so darn upset about it? I really don't understand what's going on and I need an outsider to help me before I do something really stupid.