Replies to '08/21 Anatomy of Abuse'

It is easy to past judgement onto the abuser and the victim.  No one knows why you stay in a relationship that is abusive, except you yourself.  There is different fears that the victim feels.  Some of it comes from how the abuser makes you feel or what he says during the belittlement and the abuse.  Remember the victim is caught up in trying to know what to do and how to do what is right for herself and her children.  A lot of emotions are there and I commend the parents for seeing what needed done and stepping in as it is difficult for the victim sometimes to think rationally because of all the emotions.  Resources for abuse are available, but sometimes we do not know where to go during the ordeal.  I know I took a number of educational classes on abusive relationships before I got the courage to leave the abuser.  The do make you feel you cannot function without them by being in control of who you see, talk to, and finances.  My last straw was my husband  kicking my 2 year old across the room.  That was 15 years ago.   It took me showing him that I could stand up and fight back with a lawyer, judge, protective custody, police backup.  This does scare them into reality and he feared loosing his entire family.  I would not even talk to him till he had counseling,  Found out he did love me and the children and didn't want to loose us.  The physical abuse did not happen again.  He is afraid he will go to jail.  But now, after all this, he started verbally abusing the children several years ago.  WE PRAY when he begins to yell.  He stops after he knows we don't argue or give him reason to continue to yell. Sometimes I think he will snap back to physical abuse, but it has not happened yet.    I am not afraid  of him as I know it is not my fault he acts this way and I have let the children know it is not their fault either. Did I do wrong by taking him back?  Sometimes the children think I should have left him, but everyone has some good in them.  Counseling is good.  More counseling is better.

Prayers move mountains.  I cannot  fault her for taking him back.   I say "Good for You" for him admitting that he needs help.  That is the first step to recovery.  Sorry mother in law, your son is not a Mr. goodie and needs help, but this does not mean you were or are a bad mother.  Just don't be quick to open your mouth till you know all the facts.  Thank God, my father in law was able to control my mother in law when he found out what was going on.  Again, pray,pray,pray.