Quote From: sarahjs26I am 26 year old step mom of a normally sweet 11 year old girl. I have been co-raising her since she was 4 years old, so it's not like I'm new to this. but our custody arrangment basics are she stays with us for the school year, and spends more quality time with her mom during the summer months. well every year she starts back to school with a bit of confusion, unfortunitlyher mom does not set any boundries, so when she comes home to our much more structured home, she fights us every step of the way. refuses to wear her glasses, breaking school dress code, sneaking makeup (rule: off limits until she is 13), then lying about having brought the makeup here.and just basically her attitude has been mean and nasty to everyone in our home including her 5 and 3 year old brothers who adore her. now I know these issues are more normal than extreme. and I have talked to her mom about this stuff, I have been telling her for years she can't just let mandy run wild, so to speak, but it won't sink in.and in our home, I have taken unfavorable clothes (mostly skimpy shirts) and burned them, I have hidden the smuggled makeup. but that bad attitude just won't quit, my opinion, she waiting for me to cave in, let her do her thing cause it works on her mom. but I am not giving in, but neither is she, so we butt heads every single day, how do I get some peace and happiness back into my home?
Hi! I am a 21 year old and though I have no children of my own, I experienced almost the same thing when my parents split. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I too wanted to wear make up and dress like the other (not as self respecting) girls wanted to dress. My mom would not stand for it! No makeup until I was older and skimpy clothing!? ha! yeah right! My dad on the other hand would let it slide...If he asked me "does your mother let you wear that?" I'd always tell him yes. And he was a lot easier to cave in than my mom when it came to make up.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was first of all kudos on talking to mom about this! She definitely needs to know that in your home, there are rules that HAVE to be followed and that they are put in place for her daughters' protection! Next, a question...are you the only one that talks to mom or does your husband talk to her too? I know that when my stepdad tried to talk to my real dad...my real dad resented it and thought my stepdad was trying to be my dad and thats why my real dad let me get away with so much. Because he wanted to be the cooler dad...so make sure your husband confronts his ex about this too...or maybe all three of you could get together for lunch or coffee to talk about it...do it in a public place so that things won't escalate to screaming...it will be a calm and civilized converstaion.
Finally, keep talking to your step-daughter..trust me, i know it's not easy...and she's going to get mad and throw fits...it's just part of being a teenager...or preteen...have your husband sit down with you and your stepdaughter...she needs to know that you two are in it together and it's not just the evil stepmother trying to take over and ruin her life! Tell her that you're sorry for burning the clothes and hiding the make-up...that is a little wrong and is probably part of why she's resentful...I would've been!...but tell her that there are rules for her protection...talk to her about what kind of message she portrays to people when she wears skimpy clothes and makeup at too young of an age...it's not a good one! and make sure she understands that just because celebreties and "everyone else" is doing it...doesn't mean it's right or cool...
Sorry it was so lengthy but I hope it helps!
