Replies to 'The Other Woman'

 What does it matter if anybody out here "gets" you? How is your husband going to take it if he finds out? Will he "get" you? That's what matters.

Well, I get what you are saying.  But I'm afraid that your story might not end up having a happy ending. I was sort of in a situation like that not too long ago.  I was the other woman and he was married. I am also married and my husband is actually related to my affair partner.  The affair started between me and this man in March and ended in a very disasterous way in June.  It's very easy to get caught up in the "good" feelings.  I felt like I had everything I had ever wanted with this guy.  My husband and I had BIG problems way before the affair and once the affair begun... I wasn't even considering breaking it off (the affair) because it was an outlet for my frustration and stress.  And eventually I fell totally head over heels for this other person and he kept trying to persuade me to actally be with him.  At that point I realized I was absolutely totally out of control.  My life was spiraling and I had no idea what I should do.  My situation at home with my husband was escalating and I ended up telling him that we needed to separate for a short time.  He moved to his dad's and in the meantime I told the other guy we needed distance as well so I could figure out what in the world I was going to do.  While this was all taking place... our secret leaked out.  His wife had become more and more suspicious over the few months even though my husband was absolutely clueless and totally unsuspecting.  She found out and brought it all to light and pretty soon the whole family knew.  To say the least, our "relationship" was ended promptly and left many unsettling and unresolved feelings between the two of us.  So back to your situation:  You may feel that it's harmless or try to tell yourself that it is... but be careful because you will get burned.  And your heart will end up broken into pieces and you will hurt others as a result of your secret fun.  I get what you are saying though I really do.  I was there not too long ago.  I miss the other guy everyday.  I think about him every single day even though my husband and I got back together.  I believe that I did love and still do love the other man, but wrong place wrong time wrong people under our circumstances we were in.  We absolutely were being totally careless and irresponsible in the worst possible way.  Not only did we hurt everyone else but we set ourselves up for the most awful heart wrenching disappointment we could've imagined.

Amazing that you have kept this going for 1 1/2 years - I have been in a similar situation for only 2 months and already the stress is getting to me. I see this man every week, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week - I am his accountant but these meetings are rarely professional. No one knows about us and similar to you, I am not going to admit it to anyone. I do have some guilt going but this is related to the fact that I know his wife and they both know my partner and he and I both know that if this got out it would hurt a lot of people. Neither of us really want to change our current living situation but I can feel myself sliding into a very emotional situation with him - already I am feeling angry that I cannot call him whenever I like and I would not be at all worried if he came to see me more frequently. I am often home alone for many days on end which provides me with a lot of opportunity although he is not in the same situation. The difference between you and me is that I cannot have strong feelings for more than one man at a time and at the moment he is winning! I don't know where all this is going to end - probably in one big fat disaster - but I cannot imagine giving him up. How do you cope for such a long period of time?

Basically, you make me ill.  Your attitude is terrible.  What does marriage mean to you??  Have you thought about the vows you made??  Yes, you sound like you want your cake and everything else.  This isn't an honest or fair way to lead your life with your husband.  If you love him so much, why would you cheat on him??  You could probably cheat with multiple men if you wanted to, and still NOT feel guilt about it, and still love your husband too.  You sound to me like you need some help.  You have a family, you have children, and you are allowing another man to cheat on his wife, and betray her and hurt their kids too, (if they knew about it).  Who knows if this man is fooling around with other women also.  You may not think so, but if he's doing it with you, he could be with others too, and if he hasn't yet, he still might, and he could give you an STD or AIDS, or anything serious that could affect your life and your husband's life forever.  You do need some help.  Or get out of your marriage and lead your life as a single woman and do what you want