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Replies to '06/01 Home Wreckers'
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May 24, 2007, 1:21 pm PDT
 Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
boy I have been there, it is very insensitive for your boyfriend to tell you to grin and bear it, this is disrupting your home, your time, your plans, and yes it will effect you and negativetly as long as he allows it to continue, if he doesnt set up boundaries, then he is going to have to lose you, no self respected woman or man should have to put up with the craziness of an ex. You signed up to marry him and the daughter not the ex, after five years she should move on, and court wont help your boyfriend, so dont go that route, You need to put down some ground rules, you and your boyfriend, you need to tell him you cant live like this anymore, and trust me as soon as he stops doing everything she wants and when, she will stop, my husband had to do that. He had to back off from his kids for awhile put up boundaries, and then he started to stand up for his life and our together, and I to still believe that she wants to have a relationship back with my husband. My heart goes out to, I know what you are living and feeling I have been there for so long, I know you love him but if things dont change dont stay, life is to short to be living under her rule. |
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May 26, 2007, 6:56 am PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
Personally, I wouldn't stay.
He may be awesome to you when it's "just you two & the child" but his behaviors & your reactions are not a match. More so, it sounds like he's not ready to commit as much as you are. He would have to take a lot of steps to make life peaceful for you two. From what you've said, he make excuses or is too tired to keep trying. I can understand that. He's only human. Sounds like he's not being honest with himself or you about how ready he is for such a relationship.
You can't control his choices. You either accept them or don't. And you certainly can't control the ex or the relationship your boyfriend has with her. Regardless of what you think of or believe about her & her behaviors in & out of their marriage, it's his choice when it comes t how he is with her. The only person you can control is yourself. You can choose to stay & accept that he will do as he chooses or you can go.
Sometimes we want a relationship so badly that we miss the obvious signs that the one we're in is not a good one. It is very hard at times to see things as they really are, especially when we're in the middle of it all.
Best wishes. |
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May 27, 2007, 2:00 pm PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
Don't be insensitive to his daughters' needs regardless of his Ex. His daughter was there before you, and he needs you to be supportive of his situation, not set ultimatums. How can you expect him to abandon his daughter and take himself away from her to set boundary lines with his Ex that would please you?? It would traumatize his child and further enrage his ex-wife. Bi-polar or not. When he said your reactions are causing him stress why are you not listening to him? He means it, and it's not against you. You're making him choose, and how can a loving father and a loving boyfriend (your description) not be in a dilemma over that? Would you settle for that concerning your own children if you were in his shoes?? I doubt it. Suck it up...respond to what's in his child's best interest or get out of their lives. He might get over losing you, but he won't put his daughter in the position of losing him. She's only six, and you're 46. You're pitting yourself against a child, not the Ex. The Ex will be rubbing her hands, because she succeeded in breaking up your relationship. She will try it with any woman he brings into his life. She's mean and arrogant, and doesn't care about her childs' feelings. She will tell that innocent child in the cruelest of ways that her Daddy doesn't care about her, if he gives in to your pressures about setting boundary lines. So far, you, too, are just showing your boyfriend that you don't care that he care's about his childs' needs, and he might end his relationship with you, before you get the chance. A lot of divorced Daddies can't put their children on the back burner, contrary to popular belief. |
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May 29, 2007, 10:09 am PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
My question is why isn't she in jail and a harrasment order or something put on her? These men say that they can't stop them BS! That is a load of crap. Move on! If he doesn't want to stop her then maybe you should go on about your buisness. Love will find you again. That kind of stuff is crazy. He now boyfriend must be blind and can't see what she is doing. Best wishes goes out to you. |
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June 2, 2007, 4:08 pm PDT
Quote From: lyndainthecity I'm 46 years old, mother of 3 grown, happy, healty children and in a relationship with a man the same age who became a new father at the age of 40. He's a great guy! I love him with all of my heart and we are, for the most part, happy. He's very good to me and a great father to his now, 6-year-old daughter. Our problem is his ex, who he believes is bi-polar. She manipulates my boyfriend at every turn and uses their daughter to get her way. When we first began dating, she would call his cell while we were on our dates, and put on his daughter, crying and begging her daddy to come and get her. That stopped when he began to leave his phone in the car! (my suggestion) We also have mutual friends and she has made up incredulous stories about me, called me every name in the book and is just vicious towards me. She has called my boyfriend's bosses and told them that he is abusing his expense account and using drugs, calls his family out of state and makes up stories, calls nearly everyday to pick a fight with him, hangs up, calls back....this can go on for hours! My boyfriend works from home and I work nights, so, I'm here when this happens and it's incredibly frustrating to witness! She manipulates their visitation schedule to ruin our plans, as she knows my work schedule. She's taken his mail from his mailbox, got a lien against his house without his permission, forged his signature....the list goes on and on.
I've aske dhim to not accept her constant phonecalls and believe that the only contact she needs to have with him should be limited to her calling to tell their daughter goodnight, important schedule changes, and emergencies. But, that hasn't happened. He believes she cannot control herself and expects me to be understanding about it. He thinks that if I could ignore it and not let it bother me, it wouldn't be such an issue. He tells me that when I approach the subject, especially after a long day of dealing with her, that I only add to his problems and compound them.
I'm at a loss here as to what can be done. I've suggested he stop answering the phone and let her leave a message and screen her calls, but, he says that when he has tried that in the past, then, she will ignore his calls so he can't tell his daughter goodnight. He shoots down every suggestion I make, saying he's already tried it and it won't work. This situation is very frustrating!
I love my boyfriend and we movedin together a few months ago and we have a great relationship between us and his child. I'm a healthy, happy, mature adult women who just wants a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her mate. I want a normal relationship and I need peace! What can I do to better equipt myself with coping tools? Should I just learn to ignore the craziness and act like it doesn't effect me? I don't want to compound my boyfriends' problems or cause fights by bringing up the subject anymore but, how does it get fixed if no one does anything about it? It seems that everyone in her life would rather just lie there and take it so it will get over with quicker. I can't do that.
I also feel she is still in love with my boyfriend because she seems to have a need to be in constant contact with him good or bad and pries into our personal lives too much, as well as her viciousness towards me. She cheated on him during their marriage and left him for the other man, who she is still with. She and my boyfriend have been divorced for 5 years now. I would think that she would have better things to do with her time as I could care less about my ex's love life or who he's seeing ect..
Are there any answers out there? Any solutions that we could both live with? We both need a peaceful resolution.
sounds like situation. my husbands ex used to call for him everyday. wanting him to come see his son everyday. he was going to church with them every sunday. having dinner with her and her mother. she even invited me to dinner. yeah right she won't spit in my food. she still has feelings for my ex and has asked him to leave me and go back with her. she began to call and harrass me and he did nothing because he liked it because she did that when ever he was with someone other than her. she has used his son aginst him for years and he allowed it. as the years went on he stopped going to her house and she was not allowed to call my house anymore. only his son can call. she said bad things about me and him. she is so jealous and i do not know why because she left him for someone else. he begged her not to let the marriage end but she just went on about her business and that was a long time ago. hon the more you complain about the ex the more he will feel sorry for her and keep all this crap going and i also think your boyfriend is flattered by the attention. he can take steps to put a stop to this. with my situation the ex took the child hundres of miles away to get back at him. now my husband is worried all the time and upset. he talks to his son on the regular and he is now 19 years old. your boyfriend may have to see his ex wife for what she really is through his own eyes. you seem like a nice woman and deserve better. i was in my late 20's when i went through this now i am almost 40 and i let my husband know you better handle her or i am out the door.you don't need none of that bull and the child is only 6 that means 12 more years of her acting a damn fool. do what you feel is right. do what your heart tells you. |
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