So what you are embarrassed. It is he that should be, don't accept his blame. Would you be embarrassed if it was happening to someone else or angry? It is hard not to feel "shamed" as they are good at making it "our fault" and we are good at making it "our fault".
Fault is relative. Reality is what has to be dealt with. Your reality is this is making you fearfull, doubt yourself, and wanting away. Deal with reality
. Let your family be there for you, if they can. Surely they too have "embarrassing" stuff, they dealt with? When you finding yourself giving up what is a part of you, it is time to realize they (our spouses) are "overstepping" and it only isolates us further.
This is classical, we women are overendowed with the wanting to please "gene", if someone makes you do something, then you have forfieted control of self, I know, without self, you don't exist. That is why so many of us feel "lost". Find yourself, and you will find strength you didn't know you had. Abusive men are like krypton to superman. Get away from the krypton, MENTALLY, and superwoman will begin to emerge.
