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Replies to 'Abuse'
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May 26, 2007, 5:13 am PDT
 Quote From: barrelracer_90 Hi everyone I just found this board and I am relieved to know that I am not alone, I keep thinking things have to get better, I have been married for almost 11 years and have 2 children on the outside we seem to have a perfect life we have a nice house and a lot of extras, but on the inside I am living with a monster. Over the course of our marriage I have lost who I am I am now who my husband wants me to be, I have lost most of my friends because he didnt like them and have even quite talking to a lot of family because he does not want them knowing our buisness. I keep thinking I am lucky and that I dont have it that bad because he dont hit very often however he is very menatlly abusive, he is always threatning to blow my head off if I leave or to kill me and cut me up into tiny pieces that he could feed to the animlas so that no one would ever find me. For along time I just thought it was just talk and it only was because he was mad, but now my little 5 year old is picking up on some of the things he says, the other night he wanted to know why dad was going to rip moms head off and what he would do without a mom, I know I need to leave, but how do you get away? Do I go for my sanity or do I stay for my kids he is a terrific dad and both of my children love him very much, but I dont want my son to grow up thinking that it is ok to treat women this way. I have also gained weight since we have been married and he has pointed out no one would date me, I am not sure if I want to spend my life alone. I am rambling and I am sorry I am just very confused. Anyone with good advise, maybe It is not that bad in my house. How do you get away? This has many answers, as to physically away, some would say with your feet. I am more than aware of the many difficulties in making the shift from in love to getting away......there is lots in between. I left my situation, but only until it got better and I was never able (or so I felt) to be gone for long..my children did not deserve to be uprooted from their things and home cause he was being an a s. but...my husband slowly got the message that certain things wouldn't be tolerated, however my level of abuse was more indirect than yours. Everyone has to decide for themselves "how bad" as no one can make that decision for you, only themselves.
The best rule of thumb is: if you have to ask others how bad, the truth is you already know and feel it is bad to you and for your children. You have already acknowledged it, you are just looking for a way to deny it or "wish" it away. It will not change what is. What is really wanted is someone to convice us to "override" our instinctive "radar" of this is NOT acceptible. Trouble is if you override and accept, it usually esculates over time, maybe it will never get physical, but it is the IMPLIED threat that is controlling you, and clouding you self preservation modes, to include NOT being threatened, especially in front of the children.
What is more, you are smarter than you give yourself credit for (been told you were dumb too many times?) You recognize the control, you internally reject it.
So to me you have already found your answers and are ready to move into the "what now?" phase and that can be the most difficult process. I would suggest reconnecting with friends and family, even if HE doesn't know. They can help you more than you ever know. Income is nice, but as many have said with the right support ,NOT immediately your major concern. Many try counseling and it seems to be a love hate relationship with counselors, many find the help they need, some do not.
This site is a good place for validation, information, and other support to help navigate "murky" waters of the "what now" . Stick around PS, the examples you gave have implications beyond what you can now realize.........don't minimize them.........this is not mentally healthy for you or your kids, but then you already know that. |
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