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Replies to '05/30 Ask the Authors'
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May 30, 2007, 9:55 am PDT
 Quote From: ceildh1 My husband had an accident two years ago, that caused him to become legally blind in one eye. For eight weeks after surgery, he couldn't lift anything over five pounds, and thank goodness I have a driver's license, 45 minutes each way to the city twice a week to see the specialist (and I HATE city driving), plus making sure the kids were cared for, and dealing with the pain he was in, not to mention the meds he was taking in order to keep his eye. Thank goodness everything turned out alright, and he is back to normal, ecept now he has to wear a bifocal in one eye (and he still can't see very well, and now suffers from headaches), but he is back to work and driving. Compared to some diseases and injuries, that was a minor thing, and I found it VERY OVERWHELMING, suddenly, a vibrant, hardworking, active man, is reduced to having to depend on his wife and kids to do things he used to do for himself, I had to learn to do things he would normally do, and work full time as well, it was a rough spot for sure frustrating for all of us. My point is, when an injury or disease occur, it can be very sudden, and devestating to the family, as a spouse the onus is on you to learn about the condition you need to deal with, some are more adaptable than others to change, and I find that sometimes there is NOT enough support for the patient's family, financial and emotional and even physical. My advice would be to EDUCATE yourself, talk to the Doctors, read about the conditions, go online and join a board for families dealing with these things, LEARN what limitations should be expected. Just reading the Blurb, this man sounds like he has no IDEA about MS, he needs to learn about it, I hope he has medical insurance, he has to LEARN to adapt but he might just need help and support to do so, not everyone (Male or Female) can deal well with disease and disability, some rise to the occasion without a second thought, others find themselves feeling helpless and unsureof what to do, this is why not everyone is able to run into a burning building to rescue someone. It could be fear of the unknown, and with MS its hard to know what to expect from one day to the next, reaching out is the first step, a good support system would be the second. "We fear that which we don't understand " so when it comes to disease and disabilities, we NEED to EDUCATE ourselves, the healthy partner NEEDS the information to help tem get through it as well. Having read many of your other posts, it is no surprise to me that you were there for your husband in so many ways. Bless you for that. Dealing with disabilities is a very hard thing for both partners. The "healthy" partner also becomes afflicted with the disease or condition. They are just feeling different symptoms, that's all.
My wife became disabled about four years ago. I certainly had to learn a great deal of new things, but at no time did she have to fear my loyalty and love would vanish. I am now becoming more and more disabled (literally) by the day. She tries to help me, even as I try to help her. Our lives have change so drastically that I would not have believed it beforehand. But, the biggest point of all is that they remain OUR lives.
I think your husband is (almost, lol) as lucky as I am. Take care of each other. |
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May 30, 2007, 5:08 pm PDT
Quote From: ceildh1 My husband had an accident two years ago, that caused him to become legally blind in one eye. For eight weeks after surgery, he couldn't lift anything over five pounds, and thank goodness I have a driver's license, 45 minutes each way to the city twice a week to see the specialist (and I HATE city driving), plus making sure the kids were cared for, and dealing with the pain he was in, not to mention the meds he was taking in order to keep his eye. Thank goodness everything turned out alright, and he is back to normal, ecept now he has to wear a bifocal in one eye (and he still can't see very well, and now suffers from headaches), but he is back to work and driving. Compared to some diseases and injuries, that was a minor thing, and I found it VERY OVERWHELMING, suddenly, a vibrant, hardworking, active man, is reduced to having to depend on his wife and kids to do things he used to do for himself, I had to learn to do things he would normally do, and work full time as well, it was a rough spot for sure frustrating for all of us. My point is, when an injury or disease occur, it can be very sudden, and devestating to the family, as a spouse the onus is on you to learn about the condition you need to deal with, some are more adaptable than others to change, and I find that sometimes there is NOT enough support for the patient's family, financial and emotional and even physical. My advice would be to EDUCATE yourself, talk to the Doctors, read about the conditions, go online and join a board for families dealing with these things, LEARN what limitations should be expected. Just reading the Blurb, this man sounds like he has no IDEA about MS, he needs to learn about it, I hope he has medical insurance, he has to LEARN to adapt but he might just need help and support to do so, not everyone (Male or Female) can deal well with disease and disability, some rise to the occasion without a second thought, others find themselves feeling helpless and unsureof what to do, this is why not everyone is able to run into a burning building to rescue someone. It could be fear of the unknown, and with MS its hard to know what to expect from one day to the next, reaching out is the first step, a good support system would be the second. "We fear that which we don't understand " so when it comes to disease and disabilities, we NEED to EDUCATE ourselves, the healthy partner NEEDS the information to help tem get through it as well. Hope this does not sound like male bashing "but" : My spouse was severly injured 24 years ago I learned to manage the house, school, a job and provide care for him all this time. I have often said that if it were the other way around , he would not have been able to manage. "Some" men do not seem to have the dedication or wear-with-all to deal with multiple major life problems. The man on the program today, Sal, focused on his losses and was not able to put himself in his wife's place. Disability is a family matter. Education is needed, as mentioned. Empathy must be learned along with healthy coping skills. I agree with this writer. That couple needs a support group with others dealing with MS. The feeling of isolation for both individuals can be overwhelming. If none available in their area I am sure their local hospital or checking the internet could provide info where to get help. I had to start a group for TBI to have peer support and the national association sent help to get organized. Also seeking a deeper meaning to life helps to give satisfaction when things don't go by the book. Faith in God gives hope and strength and new meaning to life and love. |
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