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flrat69
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May 30, 2007, 1:26 pm PDT

Understanding

Quote From: moonieg1971

So hello everyone, I am new to this message board, so please forgive me..

 

The reason for my post today is that today marks the TWO week anniversary of my father's death. His death was unexpected and quick. From the time he left his house, to the time of his death was 9 hours. He was in California and I live in Virginia to say the least I felt completely helpless and guilty. I talked to him the day before and keep replaying the conversation in my head looking for anything to hold on to. I dont know how to deal with this. Im guilty, sad, depressed and hopeless. My dad is my best friend and the thought of never talking to him again is horrible. It seems to me like everyone else has "moved" on, and I just feel like I can never get over this.

 

I think I needed to voice this as I feel like no one else will understand.

Thanks for listening and peace to all.

This is the two week anniversary?  No one has had time to move on.  People are grieving.  People do not all grieve in the same way, but they do grieve.  Two years ago I lost both my parents.  My brother and I appeared to have "moved on" almost right away, while my sisters had an open and gaping wound.  The truth is that my brother and I grieve privately.  It's hard, but we do it so our sisters can let their feelings out while knowing someone is handling things.

 

I learned not to grieve for them so much as celebrating what we had.  I know how lucky I was to have parents like mine and that is reason for a great deal of joy.  Your dad is always with you.  Never forget, but do as he would ask of you.  And always love him.
 
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ccal56
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May 30, 2007, 4:18 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: moonieg1971

So hello everyone, I am new to this message board, so please forgive me..

 

The reason for my post today is that today marks the TWO week anniversary of my father's death. His death was unexpected and quick. From the time he left his house, to the time of his death was 9 hours. He was in California and I live in Virginia to say the least I felt completely helpless and guilty. I talked to him the day before and keep replaying the conversation in my head looking for anything to hold on to. I dont know how to deal with this. Im guilty, sad, depressed and hopeless. My dad is my best friend and the thought of never talking to him again is horrible. It seems to me like everyone else has "moved" on, and I just feel like I can never get over this.

 

I think I needed to voice this as I feel like no one else will understand.

Thanks for listening and peace to all.

i am sorry for your loss.  i, too, was a daddy's girl.  i lost him 4 1/2 years ago.  i still miss him, but i miss him with a smile now.
 
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daffodil67
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May 30, 2007, 8:38 pm PDT

Two weeks is not long

Quote From: moonieg1971

So hello everyone, I am new to this message board, so please forgive me..

 

The reason for my post today is that today marks the TWO week anniversary of my father's death. His death was unexpected and quick. From the time he left his house, to the time of his death was 9 hours. He was in California and I live in Virginia to say the least I felt completely helpless and guilty. I talked to him the day before and keep replaying the conversation in my head looking for anything to hold on to. I dont know how to deal with this. Im guilty, sad, depressed and hopeless. My dad is my best friend and the thought of never talking to him again is horrible. It seems to me like everyone else has "moved" on, and I just feel like I can never get over this.

 

I think I needed to voice this as I feel like no one else will understand.

Thanks for listening and peace to all.

 My father was killed in a plane crash on his way to work--an hour? after leavign home.  They did not find the crash site for 2 days, which was horrible agony.  The way we found out that he was really dead and how he died was the coroner came out of the woods on a four wheeler and described in which tress which body parts were found.  He died on impact so to speak, but he we have no idea WHY he crashed and never will.  But he LOVED to fly.  Any way, my point is that my dad was hardly my best friend, but at 2 weeks after his death I was spending my days in my mother's bed, pretty much incapacitated (my disabling condition makes me very sensitive to stress.)  Give yourself some time.  Two weeks is so soon, and I really think that even though people around you say they have moved on, they probably will go through a lot more that they aren't expecting at this point.

I am so glad, though, that i had started talking with my dad when I would call to talk to my mother, this beign at some point before he died.   I had spoken to him the night before he died and told him I loved him.  Funny how you change what you do, then it becomes very meaningful.  In the end, I realize it was a miracle my dad made it to the age of 69.  And I am able to think about him--not his death, but HIM.  We had had a contentious relationship.  He drove me bonkers.  So much about him got on my nerves ( not the least of which was that he went on and off Atkin's diet from the time the book came out in '74 or whenever.  I am ideologically opposed to the premise and the process of the diet.  And Daddy was always looking for the quick fix.)  I started realizing almost immediately after they found him that I am exactly like him, and that's why we butted heads.

Give yourself time!!!  I mean for us, the shock of the way Daddy died was a trauma in itself, in addition to losing him.  But we all did really great, I think.  IT's just a tough nut.  BUt you probably will feel better eventually.  For me it helps to laugh--think about his idiosyncracies and share with other family members all teh quirks tha tmade him  HIM.  Good luck.  You CAN do it, ok?
 
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yoli_bee
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June 4, 2007, 1:32 pm PDT

give it time

Quote From: moonieg1971

So hello everyone, I am new to this message board, so please forgive me..

 

The reason for my post today is that today marks the TWO week anniversary of my father's death. His death was unexpected and quick. From the time he left his house, to the time of his death was 9 hours. He was in California and I live in Virginia to say the least I felt completely helpless and guilty. I talked to him the day before and keep replaying the conversation in my head looking for anything to hold on to. I dont know how to deal with this. Im guilty, sad, depressed and hopeless. My dad is my best friend and the thought of never talking to him again is horrible. It seems to me like everyone else has "moved" on, and I just feel like I can never get over this.

 

I think I needed to voice this as I feel like no one else will understand.

Thanks for listening and peace to all.

am sure you' ve heard this many times before.   but take it from someone who knows and understands. ' give it a bit more time'  your grief is brand new and still very fresh. i was only 14 when i lost my papa, he was everything to me.  don't  feel you have to folow everyone with moving on too quickly. take your time, at the same time do not let yourself be consumed by your lost. as you go along, remember what your dad meant to you. hold on to the  love that the two of you shared. am pretty sure he would not want to see you depress and hopeless. while you may never get over loosing your dad,and find it impossible to smile now, that's okay.  however don't be surprise as time goes on, when you catch yourself with a smile on your face, when you think back to one of those conversation you had with him.   am 44 now and i still miss my papa. i miss following him around (me and the dog). i miss his gentle ways and his tenderness. most of all i miss the opportunity to show him what it meant for me to have him as a father. but he's in my heart everyday . he  has a special place that no one else can take, as he was the only one who allowed me to be a child.   i never truly got over loosing him; but after i had time to grieve,  i became thankfull for the time i had with him and for the gift of a childhood. and now i only think of him with gladness.

                                  so be patient, and pray,  i promise you, it will get better. 

                                                                                                                                 yoli.
 
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