Replies to '05/30 Ask the Authors'

6/2/07

Dr. Phil and Staff

Thank you for have the show about Nicole, Sal, and MS.

My life ended 10 years ago when I was told I have fibromyalgia.  It is said to be in the MS and lupus family.  I guess I am in denial, because I never followed through with any follow-up.

I used to love life, loved to go to amusement parks, ball games, concerts, just loved to go do anything at the spur of the moment.

Now, I can barely move.  I have gain 100+ pounds and I hate life as it has become. 

NO ONE understands the pain.  Yes, I too, like Nicole look good and look healthy (besides the weight).   No one understands the PAIN.  I cant walk, I cant stand, and I cant sit.  This in NOT life!  I am so depressed with this invisible illness.  It is all I can do to get out of bed and make it to work on time.  Its NOT fair that my husband and family have to put up with me.  They deserve so much more.  I take any o-t-c pain med I can get my hands on, up to 10 pills a day.

The husband has been having an affair for the last 7 years.  I honestly dont blame him.  I am nothing!  I can not full fill my duties as a wife.  No sex, my house is a pig sty, I cant stand long enough to cook or wash dishes.  It is so unfair to him.  I do know what Sal is going through.  I am sure there will come a day that I will be in a wheelchair and I hate the thought of it.

Every day the chronic pain is unbearable, fatigue, cant sleep, I feel like a zombie, morning stiffness, cognitive or memory impairment, irritable bowel (some days I have to stop on the way to work, cant go far from home, cause you never know when you have to go to the bathroom), chronic headaches, numbness and tingling sensation (my body is on pins and needles all the time), muscle twitching, skin sensitivities, dry eyes and mouth, dizziness (I never know if I am having a heart attack or if I will pass-out), allergic symptoms, heel or arch pain (my feet, ankles and knees, are destroyed by the weight gain),  brain fatigue (I think of what I want to say, but the words come out all jumbled up), painful periods, chest pains, depression, panic attacks, irritable bladder, multiple chemical sensitivities (if some is in the room with perfume/cologne, room fresheners, I want to vomit), joint hyper mobility, suicidal, personality changes, disequilibrium, severe muscle weakness, intolerance of bright lights, alteration of taste, smell, hearing, painful sound threshold, changes in visual acuity, enhancement of medication side effects, severe nasal and other allergies possible sinus infections, weight gain, muscle and joint aches, heart palpitations, muscle spasms, heartburn, difficulty swallowing, unable to have children, the pain is endless. 

This illness is UNFAIR!   Short of moving to a state were marijuana is legal  I am beside myself.  No one understands this pain because I dont look sick.  There is a clinic near Cleveland, but since Fibromyalgia is not considered a real illness, it is all in your head, because there is no test to diagnose it, treatment is not covered by insurance.  There was a time when I would not have wished this pain and suffering on any one, however, I wish everyone, my husband, my family, my boss, could suffer through just 48 to 72 hours of this to see what I have to live with.

My husband did not sign up for this when we got married.  Some days I wish I could afford to live on my own.  I would divorce him so he could move on with his life.  He doesnt deserve this! Cant anyone find a cure for MS or FMS??  Or anything to ease the pain??  I am so tired, this is NOT living. 

However, I force myself to get up every day!  I do my hair, I put on make-up, I put on a fake smile, and I pray that God will get me through another day.  I force myself to do housework and to do little yard work.  However, then the pain will intensify for 3 or 4 days after.  I pray for strength to walk, to get me up and down the steps.  That is all the exercise I can tolerate. So, I am fat, and continue to gain weight.  I am trying to be productive in society.  There are many times I want to say the hell with it; apply for disability and curl up in a ball and check out of life.  But, I do not want other tax payers to have to cover me.  So I continue this uphill battle. 

I will pray for Nicole, I will pray for Sal to have the patience to be understanding.  We did not ask for these illnesses and we are trying our best to get through each and every day.  We certainly never wanted our families to have to go through this either.

Again, Thank you for having this show!  I hope, that those, will be a little more understanding that just because we dont look sick, you never know until you walk a mile in our shoes.  I have viewed people differently in the past years.  You just never can judge a book by its cover.  You dont know the pain and suffering some one endures just by looking at the outside cover.