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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

 
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June 15, 2007, 10:38 pm PDT

Care

Quote From: kona73

I went to spend a night with a friend, after the visit i realized how i hate my life. It sounds so petty but there is nothing fun, interesting or anything to look forward to in my life,My friend and her husband spend time together just having a good time. Nothing special just being with there other friends. My husband refuses to do anything. He and i are 22 years apart in age and it never bothered me before but now i can see the problems it creates. I'm lonely even when I'm with him ,i feel like a bird trapped in a cage. i hate coming home. I mean the minute i drive up i feel this horrible sense of depression. i don't want to leave my husband just because i want to have an adventurous life but i cant live this way either.
My husband is 15 years younger.  We do everything together.  We invent activities to prevent boredom.  I told him when we got together that, "I hate boring."  So, your age difference might not be the problem.  I know a lot of seniors who have a good sense of adventure.  I am sad that you are sad.  I am wondering if you have discussed this feeling with your husband?  Is he willing to try something new?  He might just need a little boost.  At least ask him before you bale out!
 
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June 19, 2007, 9:31 am PDT

You must tell him

Quote From: kona73

I went to spend a night with a friend, after the visit i realized how i hate my life. It sounds so petty but there is nothing fun, interesting or anything to look forward to in my life,My friend and her husband spend time together just having a good time. Nothing special just being with there other friends. My husband refuses to do anything. He and i are 22 years apart in age and it never bothered me before but now i can see the problems it creates. I'm lonely even when I'm with him ,i feel like a bird trapped in a cage. i hate coming home. I mean the minute i drive up i feel this horrible sense of depression. i don't want to leave my husband just because i want to have an adventurous life but i cant live this way either.
 Whether or not you realize NOW that you should have considered the consequences of a marriage to one so many more years older than you, it is done.
Whether or not your husband knew that this would come to pass one day, with his many more years of experience, it is done.
So where do you go from here?
First of all, your husband has done most of the things you want to do. His thoughts probably run along the lines of "been there done that."  Never-the-less, you still want those experiences because it's all new to you. So you have to let him know that. You absolutely have to let him know that you feel cheated out of life and want him to get up off the couch and go do things with you. Shame on him if he didn't consider this before he married you, because he was in effect, the one in charge, correct? This man was 22 years old the day you were born. Think about the differences between you and a small child of 3 or 4.  Getting them to do what you want is, pardon the expression, like taking candy from a baby.
But you are an adult now, you have a choice. You don't have to be old before your time, you don't have to behave like you are 22 years older. But you ARE married to him, and I assume that you love him. So you need to take your frustrations and longings to him and talk to him.
 


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