Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

She's from a different time, a differernt place.   My mom is the same way ...  she's not going to change and it was my choice to allow her to be herself.  She's happy with her life ... she's happy being who she is.  What right do I have to tell anyone that they have to change. It's their choice.

 

I too went thru this back in 2005 -- it was the hardest thing I ever did for myself .. I broke the chain my mom held around me ... I broke it and created a whole new relationship between us.  We are actually happier together and she's still the person she was .. I'm the one who changed.

 I understand that you are "rowing against the current" with your mother. It sounds like she is determined to undermine your progress if she can. It makes no difference if she is doing this because she has been so hurt in her life that she is now full of anger, or if she does it because she is just a mean and vindictive person by nature. The result of her behavior feels the same to you no matter why she does it.
So, your task is to persevere at all costs. Appeal to people at your support meetings to come and get you to go whenever possible.  Also, never stop trying to get others to talk with your mother. You cannot change her mind, only she can do that. But if enough people demonstrate good examples to her, she may slowly turn around. One of them may have the gift of reaching her. If she sees that you are determined to go to the meetings, and surround yourself with helpful people, her efforts to undermine you may become weaker over time. She did not become this way overnight, it will take time for her to unlearn her bad behaviors and attitudes. Just as your self learning did not happen over night.
Is there any way you could move out with your girls? Getting away from the negative influences of your mother would help tremendously.
If not, do not become a victim of "poor me" thinking. This is no doubt one of the mind-sets that led to your addictions earlier. Use your frustrations to motivate yourself to make a different life for you and your girls than your mother made with hers.