Replies to '12/23 "Get a Backbone!"'

Wow this is a topic worth discussing more then once.  Especially when the problem is with familty members.  I grew up with a very controlling father and altough I always knew that he loved me I felt that if I didn't do things his way he stopped loving me.   As an adult I soon dealt with this and found a way to make the relationship work...it's always easier with a parent because they do love you differently then a sibling does.    My problem is with my older brother who tries to control everything around him including his siblings.  I worked with him in a family business for 15 years and finally figured out that I was not going to ever be able to have a healthy relationship with him.  I gave up my career and my future with this company that I had worked so hard and put everything into.  I can honestly say now I am free from his torture except for when we have to have family functions.  I usually do not go and I know this hurts my parents but I don't know any other way.  Part of me thinks that if I had more skills to deal with this situation I wouldn't be so afraid to be in the same room with him and his wife.  I just don't want them to know about me or my personal life because they will find a way to use it against me.  Is this wrong?  They have been so crew to so many and continue to get away with it.  The rest of my sibllings feel the same way as me so they just avoid them or don't say anything.  

So my life continues on (very happily) without them in my life and I am ok with it....but is this the right thing to do....am I punishing my parents???  Because they had something to do with my brother being the way he is too....should they be taking any responsiblity in this?????