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Replies to 'Ready for Marriage?'
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June 20, 2007, 12:49 am PDT
 Quote From: julia72 hello all...i'd appreciate any input whatsoever, as i've been thinking about what is bothering me for over a year (and having those annoying curcular conversations to boot!) to no avail: my boyfriend is 2 years older than i am. neither of has ever been married, though we had both been in committed long-term relationships before getting together three years ago. i am very much interested in getting married and having a child (or children)...while i am confident that my boyfriend loves me, he is not sure that he wants either. if he sat me down and said "we want different things", i'd end the relationship immediately. my problem has been that he won't say "i don't want marriage" or "i'm not interested in having kids" or even "i wantt o get married but not to you!", and we're going on 3 years of exclusively dating one another. i love him dearly, but he's 37 going on 25 (and fully admits that). i'm so pissed that he could date me another 3 years, decide it's not working, then marry someone 10 years younger than himself and still have time for children if he wants to! i keep telling him that if i were 25 right now, the future of our relationship wouldn't be such an issue for us right now---but i'm not. i HAVE to think about biology, right? should i end this now and start looking for someone else? i'm well-educated and have a fantastic job...and --not to be obnoxious--i'm still pretty cute at this point (if i do say so myself). i don't want to waste another 3 years if this isn't going anywhere.... This is a tricky situation partiularly with all the emotions involved however I think you need to start by openly talking about this with each other. Find out what his concerns are about marriage/ having children and talk about possible solutions for his concerns. If he cannot agree to any solutions perhaps this is his way of saying he just doen't want kids. Sometimes not making a desision is a decision in its self (in this case not making a decision could mean he does not want marriage or kids) and as you said it is quite possible for him to string you along and ruin your chances of having children. Therefore after having a dicussion perhaps you could give him a time frame of giving you an answer (3mths?) then if he cannot give you an anwer it may be time to move on. |
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