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Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'
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July 7, 2007, 5:10 pm PDT
 Quote From: ricschic At the time, you did the only thing you knew to do....keep your mouth shut. I can understand. All the silence did was delay the inevitable, since I have a hunch that the family's reaction would have been much the same as it was when you finally did speak out. I'm sorry this has happened to you...If I were you, I'd run...not walk...to the nearest counselor that specilizes in rape. They can help you deal with the emotions you're having, and the fact that your own family has betrayed you. Your husband did nothing wrong. It's highly likely he's felt like punching the guy in the mouth ever since he found out about it. That's a perfectly normal reaction when someone is hurt in such a way. Can you imagine the tension in the room if your husband HAD attended the family functions? So your family just expects you to put up and shut up, right? WRONG. Please seek out help for this...an experienced rape counselor can certainly help you, and good luck..... DEAR WIFEY31, I AM SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE OF "FAMILY" IN ABUSE SITUATIONS THERE IS SELDOM ANY "FAMILY" TO COMFORT YOU. I TOO WAS ABUSED BY AN UNCLE AND A GROUP OF OTHERS FOR YEARS.SRA. I NEVER TOLD TILL I WAS GROWN AND ON MY SECOND MARRIAGE. AT THIS TIME I FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO CONFRONT MY MOTHER AS SHE NOT MY FATHER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. ALL THREE YOUNG SISTER'S BELIEVED ME AND WERE VERY VERY SORRY UNTIL I CONFRONTED MY MOTHER WITH HER PART IN THE ABUSE. THAT WAS MARCH 22, 1992. MOTHER WAS VERY CALM AND NEVER ADMITTED ANYTHING, DAD WAS RUNNING AROUND LIKE A CHICKEN WITH HIS HEAD CUT OFF AND MY THREE YOUNGER SISTERS WERE FURIOUS AND ONE TRIED TO THROW A KITCHEN TABLE AT ME. HAVEN;T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE AT THEIR REQUEST! LUCKY FOR ME AND YOU IS THAT MY HUSBAND & YOURS KNOWS THE TRUTH .MINE HAS SEEN ME THROUGH SOME VERY VERY ROCKY TIMES. YOU HAVEN'T MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT THERAPY. I AM A TYPE A PERSONALITY AND THOUGHT I WOULD JUST GUT IT OUT AND BE DONE WITH IT. SORRY VERY SORRY TO REPORT IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY UNFORTUNTELY. SINCE YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR GREATEST ADVOCATE, I SUGGEST YOU AND PERHAPS HE LATER WITH YOU GO TO THERAPY, A TRUSTED PASTOR (HOWEVER MINE OCCURED AT CHURCH), RABBI OR A RAPE CRISIS SETTING TO ASK FOR HELP. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS IT WILL NOT GO AWAY WITHOUT WORKING VERY DILEGENTLY AT THIS MONSTER FOR SOME TIME!!! IT WILL AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE, FRIENDSHIPS, OBVIOUSLY FAMILY AND ESPICELLY CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE ANY OR INTEND TO IN THE FUTURE. REMEMBER NOW THAT -------IT-----------IS OUT OF THE BAG IT WILL BE LIKE A SHIRT OR BLOUSE YOU CAN NEVER QUITE GET IT BACK INTO THE PLASTIC THE SAME WAY IT CAME OUT NOW MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THAT BEFORE YOU TOOK IT OUT! BY YOUR OWN WORDS YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD HAVE TOO AND I TRULY DO UNDERSTAND THAT I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND TELLING YOU IT WILL GET BETTER WON'T HELP YOU RIGHT NOW. BUT PLEASE KNOW THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US OUT THERE FOR YOU TO TALK TO. I KNOW I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU OFF THE BOARDS BY EMAIL OR THE PHONE. USUALLY THE CITY YOU LIVE IN HAS A SUPPORT GROUP YOU COULD START GOING TO, WHICH I FOUND INVALUABLE BECAUSE ONLY ANOTHER PERSON THAT HAS WALKED IN YOUR SHOES CAN UNDERSTAND EVEN A WORD OF WHAT YOU ARE FEELING EVEN THOUGH THERAPISTS ARE TRAINED IT'S NOT THE SAME UNLESS THEY TOO WERE ABUSED. ABOVE ALL REMEMBER IT'S NOT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IT HAPPENED, IT'S THE FACT IT HAPPENED AT ALL. YOU NOR ANYONE DESERVES THIS. I STILL AM ASTOUNDED IT CONTINUES TO HAPPEN & THE VICTUM IS USUALLY BLAMED AND BECOMES THE OUTCAST OF THE "FAMILY" BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO "DEAL" WITH THE FALL OUT IF THEY ACTUALLY DEALT WITH THE ABSUER AS THEY SHOULD. GOD BLESS YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE HE WAS PUT IN YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON, AND I BELIEVE ONE OF THOSE REASONS IS TO HELP YOU HEAL FROM THIS. I WISH YOU STRENGTH, LOVE, HOPE AND RELIEF FROM YOUR PAIN JKFORREST
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