Quote From: killerkateHey everyone,
I have been with my man for five and a half years. We have been living together for three of those years. The topic of marriage has come up previously, and recently it has been a huge topic for us.
He doesn't know what he wants. I have told him that I want to get married.
He has indicated that he is depressed and he thinks he isn't good enough for anyone, and especially not me. His family life is non-existant and he has no real positive relationship figure to look up to.
We just spent the last five hours talking about our relationship and both of us have cried because we love each other and we don't know if it will work. He doesn't want to marry right now, he's not sure if he ever will, to me, or to anyone.
He just left to stay at a friend's house because he needs time to think about us.
I am completely heartbroken.
Please help me.
If he doesn't have any positive role model to look up to, then tell him to find one! Sitting on your butt isn't going to solve anything. "You can't steer a ship that isn't moving". Get involved in a group. A church is often a good way to go, if not, join a club anywhere and keep a lookout for anyone that is a good example. This is uncomfortable starting out, he could ask the person/people to be a mentor to him, or an accountability buddy. Having someone to talk to helps in all areas of life, I honestly would suggest one for you too, one who doesn't know your guy so her advice is impartial.
It sounds like he might need some personal counceling (however you spell it). If he doesn't think he isn't good enough for you he might have self-esteem issues, which he would need to work through. There also might be some childhood trama associated with marriage which would make him unsure if he wants to do that.
I had a similar issue to what you are discribing, my parents didn't have a good relationship nor anyone else I knew, and I had self-esteem issues. It can be a tough time, but if he is like me, he needs a little push.
If he is unwilling to try, he is just stuck in his rut, my advice is to leave him. That insecurity will not leave after any amount of time unless you deal with it directly.
