How long to give your loved one to ‘put the bottle away’ is a tough one. That is your personal decision. It is up to you to make the decision of when you’ve had enough waiting and wanting him to stop drinking; my advice would be that you stop waiting soon. Haven’t you waited long enough? He is the one who has to WANT to stop. He can’t have both a loving, healthy relationship and be an alcoholic. He things that he can; but it isn’t possible. If you were the type of woman who is willing to “look the other way,” or who is willing to make excuses for your husband, then you would already be married. But, you aren’t that kind of person, and that is a good thing. You aren’t willing to take a huge chance on such an important life-changing decision like marriage. That says a lot about your character.
He said that he would “work on it,” now is the time for you to go and ask him what exactly does “working on it” mean? You need to know; does it mean he is ready to not drink during the week, or on the weekends, or are those just words that he is saying to put you off? Let him know that you love him, and that you aren’t give him an ultimatum; but you do want him to quit drinking NOW. It is so important that he wants to do this for himself, not because you want him to do it- because it won’t work if he does it for someone else.
The best advice I can offer you is to go to an al-anon meeting in your area ASAP. Many years ago, a therapist suggested that I go to an al-anon meeting; I thought she was full of it, didn’t think it would make any difference- but at that meeting I met dozens of women (and men) who were in my exact same shoes. It helps to have support and to know what other people have done that has worked for them in their personal relationships.
