Replies to 'HIV/AIDS Support Group'

I am a thirty one year old, white male. I am an 11 yr. survivor of HIV and Hep C. most of that time in active addiction to I.V  Heroin and Methamphetimine. I have been to both County Jail and also to State Prison and since my visit to Prison I have been sober for almost 1 yr. 

My Viral Load has always been undetectable, even while I was in deep addiction and my CD-4 count has always been high, in the 700's. While in Prison I sought no care for either disease and wasn't treated for anything until my release in May of 07. Upon my release my counts were all catty-whomped! My viral load is almost 10,000 and my CD-4 count is 400! Is this normal? Shouldn't abstinance from illicit drugs mean that I get healthier?

I know also that while working a program in N/A it's essential that I stay out of super-involved relationships for about a year! Or at least that's what's recommended in the program, what I can't get over is seeing the potential for "love" or the "relationship material" in almost everyone that I seem to come into conact with.  I know that I feel lonely and that that feeling is somewhat more intense lately, I think that it is conected to the fear of, maybe never finding that relationship that could matter?

I think also I am confused? Should I be looking for a stable relationship with someone that has HIV? or  one with someone that is Negative? I try not to think of this at all right now but really, it seems to dominate alot of my thoughts throughout the day.  My craving for sex is unbelievable, and behind that is the whole relationship thing?

There really does seem to be soooo many more questions when I'm sober!!!! It's almost overwhelming!

Thanks for letting me vent....Advice please!!!

alarikj@gmail.com