Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

 I never really looked at your first post before, it was during a time of upheaval for me. I went back and did so.
You are very down on yourself, and confused about your life and the ways of the world. Welcome to the human race.
I'm not trivializing your predicament, I'm showing you that you are not alone.
When you got involved with your boyfriends, it was because you wanted to be liked and accepted. Attention is desirable and flattering. Acceptance is the number one need of all humans.
You also have a sex drive that is in high gear at your age. Even if you don't particularly like the person you are making out with, you may find yourself liking the interaction. Avoiding or denying your sensations will not make them go away. Only by accepting yourself in all of your parts can you hope to control your thoughts and actions.
There is nothing wrong with getting and giving attention, love, and sex. However, we all need to understand our values and live in a way that is true to ourselves.
By this I mean that if you crave attention, love, and everything else, don't just wait around for someone to step in and give it to you, don't sit around "hoping for the best" and "heading towards the path of not caring."  Hasn't your last relationships shown you that YOU need to take a more involved approach to them? You ended up being used because you allowed it.
I'm not saying that you meant for it to happen, I know you didn't. But you seem to take what life is throwing at you in a destructive pattern. A boy or a young man pays you attention, maybe compliments you, so you let him take the lead in your interactions-up to a point. Then things seem to cool off, fade away, and disappear altogether. After this happens you tell yourself certain things that underline the negative things you believe. No wonder you're stalled out!
In the first place, when a man compliments you and pays attention you can take it several ways. One way is to think that he is attracted to you, that you inspire in him a desire to get to know you. Another way is to think that he only wants to use you for his own ends.  Attraction to another falls between these two, yes you inspire him to get to know you and he may be thinking a relationship with you will be good for him. Be honest with yourself and see you're own thinking falling into these patterns also. Having someone pay attention to you does NOT mean you owe them your attention back. If you didn't like that particular boy, you should not have made out with him. Having someone pay attention to you means that they are attracted to you, period. It's entirely up to YOU what you do with the attention they are willing to give. If you don't want to encourage it, don't. Don't let the other take the lead and then wait until he ends it. This is not going to help you attract the kind of men you want in the future. And you may want to give some thoughts as to what kind of men you would like paying attention to you. What do YOU have to DO to attract them?
Lighten up on yourself. Be aware that others may be users and manipulators, but don't think that it's your job to fall for them. We can all learn and grow, in fact we NEED to.
Yes, I DO think "its actually hard to implement all this in real life than jus telling it to someone."  But I'm not telling you to do anything. I'm suggesting attitudes and actions I've implemented in my own life that have worked for me.