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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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July 28, 2005, 6:41 am PDT
 Quote From: kimbrem Please, whatever happens, when you read this, don't think me full of myself. I'm not. Although I do know the gift of my intelligence, I would sometimes love nothing better than to be an idiot. I haven't read any of the books. Maybe someone could give me some good advice who has read them. I am an intelligent person. I have been labelled as "gifted" an "anomaly" "genius", etc. I have heard all my life how "lucky and different" I am. I am not sure of the idea of being different. I know that I am odd. I know that because I am mostly off the charts if I put any of me into it. I have a great difficulty in dealing with the social stigma associated with what I am. It isn't difficult when I am in social situations. It's not difficult not to respond when it's just a conversation. When I am in school and the purpose is learning and exploring knowledge, I stand out like a sore thumb. I am going back to school again. I love studying and learning. I love knowledge like it is water. I don't exactly fit into the classroom setting. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do. I am wounded when I hear groans after I announce a topic of study that may seem a bit over the heads of my fellow students. I am crushed to be the object of hostility from classmates who think I may have messed up their chance at getting an A off a curve, because I have one honestly. The honest joy that comes from learning is tempered by the fact that I don't seem to fit. I don't really wish to be a person who stands out, but melting in takes the joy out of study. I do feel that it inspires in some jealousy. I would rather be seen as a person on the same ground, just who is a little more inspired. It is a little depressing to be outside the social circle. I have, in the past thrown my grade a bit. I never strive for a hundred percent. I really don't want a bad mark, but sometimes I just want to fit in more smoothly. A couple of days ago, I ended up feeling very hurt and being more frank than I should have been. After one person said I was messing up the curve for the tenth time and asked the teacher how this was affecting their grades, I stood and said "Do you really think I am going to fall anywhere on your curve. My score will likely be discarded as an anomaly." Rather than making me fit in better, I am sure I just emphasized the differences between us and fostered more discord. How can I honestly be what I am, and be part of what they are? I'm a real person not a prodigy or savant or genius or whatever social label. I have a million hobbies. I love my dogs. I never remember where my keys are. I have to check the iron twice to make sure it's unplugged. If I lose my glasses, it's slapstick comedy (Think crawling around the house two inches from everything). I think sometimes people only see certain parts and forget I'm just like they are. I feel your pain. Why is it that we revere some people with talent (athletes, actors, singers) and don't expect them to have a thought in their heads otherwise, and even excuse their bad behavior, but ostracise the more intelligent of us? I'm nowhere near the higher intelligence levels, but I have siblings who are. I once had the experience of moving from a progressive school system to a rather poorly funded (shall we say) rural one. I was 1 to 2 grades ahead of the class, because this school was not at the same level as the last, and heard alot of the groans you spoke of, so I can relate. The good thing was, the old school system taught us in a way that nobody was aware that some were ahead of others, and nobody felt dumb. It made for an atmosphere where learning was fun, that has stuck with me for life. In answer to your question, yes you can be what you are, and be part of what they are. Try doing something that you have absolutely no talent for, and ask for help from one of the people who see you as a "brain." If you fall on your face, laugh at yourself. Others will see you in a different way. See, some of them fall on their faces everday in class, or that's what it feels like to them. Never compromise on tests though, throwing them is phony. Football players don't compromise their talents to make the rest of the team look better, why should you? |
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July 28, 2005, 6:28 pm PDT
Quote From: kimbrem Please, whatever happens, when you read this, don't think me full of myself. I'm not. Although I do know the gift of my intelligence, I would sometimes love nothing better than to be an idiot. I haven't read any of the books. Maybe someone could give me some good advice who has read them. I am an intelligent person. I have been labelled as "gifted" an "anomaly" "genius", etc. I have heard all my life how "lucky and different" I am. I am not sure of the idea of being different. I know that I am odd. I know that because I am mostly off the charts if I put any of me into it. I have a great difficulty in dealing with the social stigma associated with what I am. It isn't difficult when I am in social situations. It's not difficult not to respond when it's just a conversation. When I am in school and the purpose is learning and exploring knowledge, I stand out like a sore thumb. I am going back to school again. I love studying and learning. I love knowledge like it is water. I don't exactly fit into the classroom setting. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do. I am wounded when I hear groans after I announce a topic of study that may seem a bit over the heads of my fellow students. I am crushed to be the object of hostility from classmates who think I may have messed up their chance at getting an A off a curve, because I have one honestly. The honest joy that comes from learning is tempered by the fact that I don't seem to fit. I don't really wish to be a person who stands out, but melting in takes the joy out of study. I do feel that it inspires in some jealousy. I would rather be seen as a person on the same ground, just who is a little more inspired. It is a little depressing to be outside the social circle. I have, in the past thrown my grade a bit. I never strive for a hundred percent. I really don't want a bad mark, but sometimes I just want to fit in more smoothly. A couple of days ago, I ended up feeling very hurt and being more frank than I should have been. After one person said I was messing up the curve for the tenth time and asked the teacher how this was affecting their grades, I stood and said "Do you really think I am going to fall anywhere on your curve. My score will likely be discarded as an anomaly." Rather than making me fit in better, I am sure I just emphasized the differences between us and fostered more discord. How can I honestly be what I am, and be part of what they are? I'm a real person not a prodigy or savant or genius or whatever social label. I have a million hobbies. I love my dogs. I never remember where my keys are. I have to check the iron twice to make sure it's unplugged. If I lose my glasses, it's slapstick comedy (Think crawling around the house two inches from everything). I think sometimes people only see certain parts and forget I'm just like they are. 1st - are you going after a degree or are you just taking classes to learn?
If you are not, than may I suggest that you audit the classes so that you aren't interfering with others. I too love to learn and getting my associate degree was so hard because I kept changing my major until 1 day, I finally said I can't go on like this anymore. Sat down with the degree list and figured out what degree I could obtained the quickest. I was able to obtain my associate degree in 1 quarter and that was years ago.
I thought about getting a 4 year degree but again, doing what!? I have way too many interests.
So - now that I'm out of work and looking for a new career - I finally discovered an AHA moment when the local university continuing education center offered a Technical Writer Certificate if I take 5 classes. They also have other certificates I could go after too.
There's no testing, no curves -- just me and a whole different way of learning.
I had to teach myself to be organize -- if I don't put my glasses in 1 particular spot at night, I lose them. Lord help me if I take a nap and I don't put them on the end table - cause it's embarrassing when you think you have to call someone to your house to find them. I have 3 dogs, 4 cats & a kitten (she found me!) and they are my family.
I stopped worrying about what people thought of me when I did Self Matters -- because I worried about what they thought and felt, I allowed myself to be victimized. I have spent over 30 years adjusting to being different.
My friends say I have a good heart and they have never left me -- I have people who still are in contact with me from Junior High School -- I know that my differences drive people crazy and that my energy drains many of them. But they are still in my life.
I suggest you pick up SELF MATTERS and find out why you feel the need to be a PART OF WHAT THEY ARE. |
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July 30, 2005, 9:48 am PDT
Quote From: kimbrem Please, whatever happens, when you read this, don't think me full of myself. I'm not. Although I do know the gift of my intelligence, I would sometimes love nothing better than to be an idiot. I haven't read any of the books. Maybe someone could give me some good advice who has read them. I am an intelligent person. I have been labelled as "gifted" an "anomaly" "genius", etc. I have heard all my life how "lucky and different" I am. I am not sure of the idea of being different. I know that I am odd. I know that because I am mostly off the charts if I put any of me into it. I have a great difficulty in dealing with the social stigma associated with what I am. It isn't difficult when I am in social situations. It's not difficult not to respond when it's just a conversation. When I am in school and the purpose is learning and exploring knowledge, I stand out like a sore thumb. I am going back to school again. I love studying and learning. I love knowledge like it is water. I don't exactly fit into the classroom setting. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do. I am wounded when I hear groans after I announce a topic of study that may seem a bit over the heads of my fellow students. I am crushed to be the object of hostility from classmates who think I may have messed up their chance at getting an A off a curve, because I have one honestly. The honest joy that comes from learning is tempered by the fact that I don't seem to fit. I don't really wish to be a person who stands out, but melting in takes the joy out of study. I do feel that it inspires in some jealousy. I would rather be seen as a person on the same ground, just who is a little more inspired. It is a little depressing to be outside the social circle. I have, in the past thrown my grade a bit. I never strive for a hundred percent. I really don't want a bad mark, but sometimes I just want to fit in more smoothly. A couple of days ago, I ended up feeling very hurt and being more frank than I should have been. After one person said I was messing up the curve for the tenth time and asked the teacher how this was affecting their grades, I stood and said "Do you really think I am going to fall anywhere on your curve. My score will likely be discarded as an anomaly." Rather than making me fit in better, I am sure I just emphasized the differences between us and fostered more discord. How can I honestly be what I am, and be part of what they are? I'm a real person not a prodigy or savant or genius or whatever social label. I have a million hobbies. I love my dogs. I never remember where my keys are. I have to check the iron twice to make sure it's unplugged. If I lose my glasses, it's slapstick comedy (Think crawling around the house two inches from everything). I think sometimes people only see certain parts and forget I'm just like they are. After reading your post and pondering for a bit, I found myself leaning two different ways as far as what I would suggest. I am currently working on Self Matters, yet some of what you mention in your post takes me to some things I learned years ago in a 12 step program.
I understand that you are not coming from a place of arrogance when you talk of your "gift" of intellect. Most people I have met that are gifted in this area often have a difficult time interacting with people on a pleasant social level. My son is gifted, and I see his tendency to isolate, thus I encourage him to be a kid, do normal teenage things and get into a little bit of trouble, as that is what builds the character that will enable him to interact with his peers. Of course, I also encourage him to use wisdom and be safe.
What I have learned is not one person is "terminally unique". We all have something in common somewhere, and it often is overlooked as we tend to focus on our differences. If your grades are an issue to your fellow students, do something to help them pull up their grades. If you know your area of interest is "above" their heads, bring it down a notch, or else look for peers who can identify. Join Mensa or some other group that will put you in touch with those who can relate. As far as grading on a curve, I have never liked it, yet there are students who depend on it. I am a current 4.0 student myself, and I have to work for it. It does come easy sometimes, yet I have to remain challenged, so I know I throw off any curve there is. I ask my instructors to allow my grades to stand alone, not affect any curve they may use. Most instructors are glad to do this, as well as ask me to tutor other students. Use your differences to inspire others, rather than to be inspired. Share some of the "real" things about you with others. If you continue to see yourself on a different plane as your peers, you will be. If you visualize you are all on equal ground, then you will begin to feel this way. Everyone has gifts. Yours is academic, intellectual. Maybe celebrate someone else's gift in a social area, or athletic. Celebrate all differences, as this is what makes it such an interesting world.
I wish good things for you and peace with yourself. I hope you will begin to feel comfortable in your own skin. Good luck! Teri |
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