Replies to '07/10 Slacker Wives and Moocher Moms'

It think it takes a lot of courage to go on DrPhil. I, MYSELF, do NOT have that kind of courage! I hope ya'll got something settled. Since we haven't seen the show yet, I'm not sure what's going on. I'm looking forward to seeing it. If you're going to read the messages, you had better stay strong. We can be brutally honest sometimes. Hang in there.

I think you did the right thing for your family. Guilt is a terrible thing for one family member to put upon another. I am in my 50's and I am just recently learning to tell my mom 'no' after decades of living with the guilt trips and excuses she dumped on me. One of my brothers recently bailed our mom out from going to jail due to her financial woes. She couldn't even bring herself to thank him and she's still looking for a way to sue somebody for financial gain. My other brother bought her house out of guilt (a son should provide for his mother he says) so she could keep it. I always knew she would eventually file bankruptcy, so I stayed completely out of her financial situation all these years. However, I have definitely had to deal with her dishing out one excuse after another for other things, too - such as visiting, acknowledging our family birthdays, etc. etc. If you ask me, this is all the result of sheer laziness as well as greed and selfishness. (For all three families on the show and my own mother too.) It's had a terribly negative affect on my own family, not to mention that it kept my two brothers and I apart. What a shame, but, with Dr. Phil's advice (I'm glued to his show and books), progress is better late than never! Today, my brothers and I are finally doing some of the things brothers and sisters should do, and I do my highest sense of right regarding my mom - guilt free - regardless of what she says to me or anyone else. I just wish she would get the same wake-up call you just gave your mom!

 

I think the only way these moochers sleep at night and keep going with this type of behavior is by believing their own excuses (in other words it's someone or something else's fault they did what they did or else they're GONNA take care of it LATER, which of course never comes - and we're made out as the bad guy if we don't go along). Accountability is key. So is self-control. Another factor is the guilt, as mentioned on the show. This is what kept me tolerating  my mother's destructive behavior for over 3 decades. It has nearly destroyed my relationship with my own daughters because they think I am wrong and un-Christian to tell my own mother no. I'm still working on this one.

 

I'm going to order a copy of this show to share with my family - thanks so much for bringing this topic to Dr. Phil's attention! I will tell you that saying no and the results of doing so is getting easier and better as more time goes by in which I do the right thing by my mom, and more importantly myself, by not enabling her!

 

I've always tried hard to be the best person I am capable of being and especially I try not to be a burden to any other human being. If someone extends a kindness to me, I strive to repay it. I know I may not always be able to do this because, believe it or not, I became a deaf-blind person 20 years ago. So you can imagine it truly floors me for a healthy person to mooch. I keep a meticulous and beautiful home and my 7 grandchildren LOVE to come visit, so the fruits of my hard labors are well worth the effort, but mostly - I'm satisfied that I continue to do and be the best I am able to be, disabled or not!

 

You sure don't want to pass this legacy on to your kids someday! Start by being strong about saying no to your mom, then continue to say no to getting deeper in debt or being lazy in your own life - you will be so proud of how you feel for pulling your own weight and making your own way in the world. THAT is the American 'way'! Set your goals high (but take small steps first - big smile), run for the finish line and just keep right on going!

 

Thanks for being on the show! I hope you get lots of help and encouragement and I hope Dr. Phil does a show later showing us the wonderful progress your whole family makes!

 Are you the one who signed for your mother to get the car? Or, was it your sister? Please, whichever one of you did it, please don't do it again. Your mother could really screw up your credit rating. For a long, long time.

Misty,  since being on the show, have you guys lost your house?

My brother, sister and I have been mooched off by our mother for decades.  I'm 41 years old and she still called me this month to "borrow" the $250 she was over extended in her bank account for writing a bad check.  She got my sister last month and my brother no doubt in there too...I feel so guilty when I tell her that I can't or won't help her.  Your mother at least goes to work, our mother stays at home all day and is excellent at spending it when she does go out. 

 

You guys looked great on the program.  You definitely should take is advice, I'm going to try to as well.  Best of luck to you.

 

 

I watched the show yesterday and I have to say I was pretty upset with how your mother could care less about your future and your sisters future. If she doesn't want to work hard enough to pay the bills, which is HER job as the parent, that her problem, not yours. If she wants to ruin her credit then fine, but how could she think its okay to ruin yours. She is an awful mother and you will resent her for it in the future. You will resent her when you are older and ready to buy a home, or buy a car when you have a good job and can afford the payments. But no one will give it to you because of your credit.

 

I grew up with only my mother, and my younger sister, my mother worked full time, 5 days a week. She didn't have some high paying job, she was a secretary, but she spent her money wisely, and we always had a wonderful house to live in, she always had a decent car, and the bills were always paid, the power was never shut off, and we always had food to eat and clothes on our back, we never did without. And furthermore, our mother never asked my sister or I for money for anything, ITS WRONG!! We grew up the same way you are, so why can't your mother do the same?

 

Now I'm 25 years old, I have lived on my own for 5 years and I go to school full time, I have worked very hard without having to go to my mom for help, I learned that from my mom. If you want to have a good future, get away from her until she gets her life straight, it is not your job to make her life right.

 

 

I watched you & your brother on the show, & I really LIKED you. You came across as being a sweet loving daughter! I'm not sure I could be as nice as you were to MY mom.

REALLY, you are doing the RIGHT thing. DON"T BACK DOWN FROM THE GUILT you are feeling right now. Your mom came across as "vacant". Like there was nobody home inside.  

I thought that was really strange. You are a good person & if you take Dr. Phil's advice, you'll be doing the right thing.

Take care,

Cindy 

I saw your show, I know its been a while since its been on but I just felt like getting this out. My mom is  a moocher. As soon as my siblings and I started working she started mooching, when my sister was working during her senior year my mom would pick up her checks while she was at school and my sister wouldnt see a dime. While my other sister was in college she used her credit card and charged over $2,000 and then opened a separate credit and charged another $1500. Like I said it would take me all day to explain how horrible she is with money, but even her own mother left all her insurance to me and my sisters because she didnt trust her with the money. Its too complicated to try and explain right now, but I definitely know how you feel.