Replies to 'Teens and Sex'
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October 13, 2005, 1:42 pm PDT
 Quote From: loveyrkids Hi, Love Dr Phil & love these message boards. Firstly thank you to everyone who contributes. I will be a regular visitor for lots of sound advice. My question is how to handle my 15 1/2 y/o daughter discovering her sexuality. I'm lucky, she's been fairly immature up to this point but I am now seeing small changes that tell me she has discovered her sexuality and that boys like her body. She is a voluptious girl and very beautiful, with lots of self esteem & confidence. However, when it comes to boys, she appears to be grabbing at the attention she has recently been getting. Last year I found lurid sms messages she had sent to a boy from her mobile. We chatted about it and the risk that (a) everyone had access to the message & (b) the perception of herself she was sending out. She seemed to take this on board but now of course, she is not saving her sent messages. She recently got a new phone & not really knowing how to set it up, has neglected to delete her sent mms'. It is a camera phone and I have found 4 or 5 photos she has taken of herself in suggestive poses (all clothes on, just sexy looks, etc) and sent to boys she recently met on school camp. My dilemma is... Do I tell her I have found the messages and simply alert her to me being able to see them or, how do I discuss this with her without alterting her to me being able to see the messages. When we bought the phone, it was agreed that both her father & I could and would look at her messages and that she shouldn't consider it a privacy issue. We do the same thing on the internet, etc. However, all that seems to have done is encourage her to hide what she is doing. We talk about most things and I don't believe she has done anything yet... But I remember what it's like to be 15 and suddenly finding yourself the centre of attention of the boys. I'd love to hear from other teenagers on this and anyone else who has the time. Thanks. I'm the Mother of a twenty year old and fifteen year old daughter. I would suggest you be very up front with her, call her on the inappropriateness of her photos. If she continues to correspond in appropriate ways take the phone!!!!! Their are just to many weirdos out their to let this slide!!!!!!
Be vigilant about who she is hanging around what they are doing. My fifteen year old doesn't have a cell phone because it is just to unsecured. Her Internet access is very restricted because she was corresponding with a man posing as a seventeen year old who turned out to be thirty!!!!!!!
My oldest girl was living with her biological Mother at the age of fifteen she started an inappropriate relationship with a 21 year old man right under her Moms nose!!!!! Her cell phone was like her parental control???? When she ran off with him at 17 she was shipped to our house for the remainder of her childhood. All the talking and explaining what he was didn't work, we went as fare as running a back ground check on him. He has a rap sheet 5 pages long, but none of that mattered on the day of her 18th birthday she left early in the morning meeting him. Ending up pregnant endured 9 months of domestic abuse before getting away from him with her baby.
Predators and certain boys will take advantage of your daughter vulnerability. Praying on the issue she is "green" unexperienced. Give her strong firm boundaries as it relates to the Internet, limit her access with parental controls. No matter how much she resist it is really what she needs. Be open about the dangers of experimenting sexually, pregnancy isn't the only threat. Early sexual interactions can have devastating effects on a girls self esteem. If shes not involved in sports or clubs get her involved. She needs to spend time with her Dad so she can get the attention she craves from a male.
THEY DON'T COME WITH HAND BOOKS SO WE HAVE TO EDUCATE OUR SELVES.
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May 30, 2006, 1:42 pm PDT
Quote From: loveyrkids Hi, Love Dr Phil & love these message boards. Firstly thank you to everyone who contributes. I will be a regular visitor for lots of sound advice. My question is how to handle my 15 1/2 y/o daughter discovering her sexuality. I'm lucky, she's been fairly immature up to this point but I am now seeing small changes that tell me she has discovered her sexuality and that boys like her body. She is a voluptious girl and very beautiful, with lots of self esteem & confidence. However, when it comes to boys, she appears to be grabbing at the attention she has recently been getting. Last year I found lurid sms messages she had sent to a boy from her mobile. We chatted about it and the risk that (a) everyone had access to the message & (b) the perception of herself she was sending out. She seemed to take this on board but now of course, she is not saving her sent messages. She recently got a new phone & not really knowing how to set it up, has neglected to delete her sent mms'. It is a camera phone and I have found 4 or 5 photos she has taken of herself in suggestive poses (all clothes on, just sexy looks, etc) and sent to boys she recently met on school camp. My dilemma is... Do I tell her I have found the messages and simply alert her to me being able to see them or, how do I discuss this with her without alterting her to me being able to see the messages. When we bought the phone, it was agreed that both her father & I could and would look at her messages and that she shouldn't consider it a privacy issue. We do the same thing on the internet, etc. However, all that seems to have done is encourage her to hide what she is doing. We talk about most things and I don't believe she has done anything yet... But I remember what it's like to be 15 and suddenly finding yourself the centre of attention of the boys. I'd love to hear from other teenagers on this and anyone else who has the time. Thanks. I'm 18 years old, and believe it or not there's a BIG difference between 18 and 15. I definately remember what it was like to be that age, and i know my mom would NEVER have put up with me doing something like that, as a matter of fact, she STILL wouldn't. It's natural for your daughter to have curiosity at that age, I started having sex when i was still 15 and I honestly don't regret it at all, because I've been with that same person for over 3 years now, but pictures are a whole other story. Don't blow up at your daughter because that will definately only make things worse, and she'll want to rebel more. Let her know that this situation upsets you, and that you want her to have more respect for herself; ask her if she wants to talk about it, and in doing that you will show your daughter that she has someone she can confide in without being scared of her mother just getting angry. Tell your daughter that the boys she is sending those pictures to could easily post them on the internet or share them with their friends, and that no matter how much she trusts them, people don't always stick to their word. Tell her how lude pictures on the internet could ruin her future career, relationships, and other aspects of her life. Just try to remain calm or your daughter will go into an instant defensive screaming argument about how you are invading her privacy.
hope this helped :) |
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