Replies to 'Co-Parenting'

        I have a very long sad story that everyone has seen and heard a hundred times before.  My ex husband and I do not get along and we have 3 girls together.  He is re-married and so am I.  We went through the courts and we have a joint-custody agreement with me being primary caretaker.  When I re-married I moved a little more than 2 hours away from him and his wife.  My husband is in the Navy and we live on the military base.  After I moved my ex got mad and took me to court trying to force me to move back closer or me to give him custody of the kids.  That was in 2004 and the girls still live with me.  We were both ordered to take parenting courses and counseling and place the kids in counseling.  My husband and myself did a in-home parenting  course that was 16 weeks long.  Our parenting adviser became someone that turned to for advice and our children began to trust her.  She is still involved with us to this day.  I have placed the kids in counseling to try and work through the problems, but no matter what we do nothing works.  My ex has told my daughters that everything they say to the counselor is told to us.  When one of my daughters said that she was afraid of being at her dad's and she shared this information with the counselor he told her to get out of his house.  She was 8 years old and he placed her in his truck and drove her to my parents house and left her.  He told her that she was not welcome at his house anymore until she stopped saying that.  The other 2 sisters were there and were told to take all of her clothes and toys because she won't be back.  It stayed that way for over a month.  He called and demanded me to bring his daughter to him so that he could take her to the counselor that she told this stuff to.  Eventually my daughter decided that she would go and apologize and say that she made it all up so he would allow her back in his house.  My daughters come home with horrible stories of how he makes comments about wishing they were boys and not girls.  When they go their to his house most of the time he isn't there and they spend it with the step-mom.  It continued getting uglier and uglier and the kids were feeling it all the time.  I just gave up and tried to work with them as much as possible.  We had been doing that for almost a year but everything is getting ugly again.  My youngest daughter has had problems her entire life.  She wasn't an easy baby and was a very difficult child.  A few years ago I took her to a doctor and they diagnosed her with ADHD and saw many signs of ODD.  She was placed on medicine, but my ex didn't approve.  He refused to give her the medicine and said it was my parenting.  I worked with the doctor and the school and I would just give her the medicine when she was with me.  It seemed to work for a while but eventually that stopped also.  I took her to another doctor and they did multiple tests on her.  My ex seemed at first okay with it.  I asked him to come to the appointment and to write down any of his concerns.  He did nothing.  I ended up faxing him the questionnaire so he could put his input in the whole thing.  I took my daughter to the first appointment and she refused to go in there by herself so I went  in there with her.  The next appointment she was able to go by herself.  The report came back with her possibly being bipolar and that she the world as a very scary place.  Her doctor saw that her case was very rare and very serious.  We were told to see this new doctor.  My ex demanded to go to the appointment with us.  After he was told what the findings were he said he didn't believe it and that she was making it all up.  He got on the phone with my daughter the night before the appointment and told her she was a liar and that she didn't see any of the things like she said.  We went to the appointment and my ex goes into his Jekyll and Hyde act and acts like he is on board with it all.  I took her to the next appointment and we talked about how much the medicine helped her.  Summer vacation came and my daughters spent a month with their dad.  I got phone calls from them and they said everything was going great.  When I got my daughters back they told me how they didn't get any of the medicine and that Dad said they didn't need it.  My daughters told me how they blamed everything on me and that they didn't feel the medicine worked.  5 minutes later my daughters sat there saying that they said all of that because dad made them afraid.  My youngest daughter said that she pretended she made up all of her illness because her dad was disappointed in her and she didn't want him to think bad things about her.  My oldest daughter has acid reflux and has been prescribed prevacid to be taken daily.  I sent her a new prescription for that month and the entire time she was given 7 pills and not even on a continued basis.  She cried about how much her stomach hurt so he took her to the doctor and now he is having all these test and procedures done without telling me anything.  I have no idea what to do.  I know the things he did to me when I was married to him.  I know how he looked like the picture perfect man on the outside but was cruel and emotionally abusive to me.  I know the pain and hurt my daughters feel because I lived that life.  I have no where to turn.  He has money and will lie cheat and steal to get what he wants.  If we go to court I know that it will get so ugly and the kids will be destroyed in the process.  I have seen him promise my daughters he would buy them horses if they would go to court and say that they wanted to live with him.   I just need help from somebody anybody

        I have a very long sad story that everyone has seen and heard a hundred times before.  My ex husband and I do not get along and we have 3 girls together.  He is re-married and so am I.  We went through the courts and we have a joint-custody agreement with me being primary caretaker.  When I re-married I moved a little more than 2 hours away from him and his wife.  My husband is in the Navy and we live on the military base.  After I moved my ex got mad and took me to court trying to force me to move back closer or me to give him custody of the kids.  That was in 2004 and the girls still live with me.  We were both ordered to take parenting courses and counseling and place the kids in counseling.  My husband and myself did a in-home parenting  course that was 16 weeks long.  Our parenting adviser became someone that turned to for advice and our children began to trust her.  She is still involved with us to this day.  I have placed the kids in counseling to try and work through the problems, but no matter what we do nothing works.  My ex has told my daughters that everything they say to the counselor is told to us.  When one of my daughters said that she was afraid of being at her dad's and she shared this information with the counselor he told her to get out of his house.  She was 8 years old and he placed her in his truck and drove her to my parents house and left her.  He told her that she was not welcome at his house anymore until she stopped saying that.  The other 2 sisters were there and were told to take all of her clothes and toys because she won't be back.  It stayed that way for over a month.  He called and demanded me to bring his daughter to him so that he could take her to the counselor that she told this stuff to.  Eventually my daughter decided that she would go and apologize and say that she made it all up so he would allow her back in his house.  My daughters come home with horrible stories of how he makes comments about wishing they were boys and not girls.  When they go their to his house most of the time he isn't there and they spend it with the step-mom.  It continued getting uglier and uglier and the kids were feeling it all the time.  I just gave up and tried to work with them as much as possible.  We had been doing that for almost a year but everything is getting ugly again.  My youngest daughter has had problems her entire life.  She wasn't an easy baby and was a very difficult child.  A few years ago I took her to a doctor and they diagnosed her with ADHD and saw many signs of ODD.  She was placed on medicine, but my ex didn't approve.  He refused to give her the medicine and said it was my parenting.  I worked with the doctor and the school and I would just give her the medicine when she was with me.  It seemed to work for a while but eventually that stopped also.  I took her to another doctor and they did multiple tests on her.  My ex seemed at first okay with it.  I asked him to come to the appointment and to write down any of his concerns.  He did nothing.  I ended up faxing him the questionnaire so he could put his input in the whole thing.  I took my daughter to the first appointment and she refused to go in there by herself so I went  in there with her.  The next appointment she was able to go by herself.  The report came back with her possibly being bipolar and that she the world as a very scary place.  Her doctor saw that her case was very rare and very serious.  We were told to see this new doctor.  My ex demanded to go to the appointment with us.  After he was told what the findings were he said he didn't believe it and that she was making it all up.  He got on the phone with my daughter the night before the appointment and told her she was a liar and that she didn't see any of the things like she said.  We went to the appointment and my ex goes into his Jekyll and Hyde act and acts like he is on board with it all.  I took her to the next appointment and we talked about how much the medicine helped her.  Summer vacation came and my daughters spent a month with their dad.  I got phone calls from them and they said everything was going great.  When I got my daughters back they told me how they didn't get any of the medicine and that Dad said they didn't need it.  My daughters told me how they blamed everything on me and that they didn't feel the medicine worked.  5 minutes later my daughters sat there saying that they said all of that because dad made them afraid.  My youngest daughter said that she pretended she made up all of her illness because her dad was disappointed in her and she didn't want him to think bad things about her.  My oldest daughter has acid reflux and has been prescribed prevacid to be taken daily.  I sent her a new prescription for that month and the entire time she was given 7 pills and not even on a continued basis.  She cried about how much her stomach hurt so he took her to the doctor and now he is having all these test and procedures done without telling me anything.  I have no idea what to do.  I know the things he did to me when I was married to him.  I know how he looked like the picture perfect man on the outside but was cruel and emotionally abusive to me.  I know the pain and hurt my daughters feel because I lived that life.  I have no where to turn.  He has money and will lie cheat and steal to get what he wants.  If we go to court I know that it will get so ugly and the kids will be destroyed in the process.  I have seen him promise my daughters he would buy them horses if they would go to court and say that they wanted to live with him.   I just need help from somebody anybody