Quote From: dougj62It really is frustrating to see the messages that trash my wife and I because we sought out help for our boys. To be accused of abusing our kids really is way out of line especially since the ones doing the accusing are usually making comments like we need "...a good A** whoopin'" or we "need to have or butts kicked."
After spending countless hours with Dr.'s and counselors , not to mention thousands of dollars for appointments, we get the joy of being trashed by people who have NO CLUE what we have gone through.
Do you honestly think that we went on the show to embarass ourselves and the kids?
When I emailed Dr. Phil about this, the 3rd pediatrician that we had seen told us that they would outgrow the problem. To my wife and I, that was completely unacceptable. I figured maybe that someone from the show would email back some links and info to point us in a different direction. Laxatives and pills, enemas and ignoring the problem (the suggestion of one Dr.) did nothing to help.
When one of shows producers came to our house to interview us for the show, he told us that he thought that the boys were polite and well-adjusted young boys that had a problem that hopefully Dr. Phil could help us with.
I know that I can sleep at night knowing that my wife and I have tried to help the kids get through this.
I was sorry to see that you and your wife got trashed because you had the courage to come foward with a very challenging and embarassing issue with your boys. Since I've taken in my niece's three small children over three years ago, I found the critics and the judges coming at me from all angles and this only makes my situation with raising these kids more of a challenge. Not one of them is living in my shoes but that doesn't stop them from telling me I'm not parenting these kids right or there is something wrong with me. Dr. Phil didn't really give you the time to portray your whole story, so what the viewers got was just pin hole view of your situation. I think it left many of us wondering why the boys were not being more pro-active in their own treatment. Yes, they seem to know they had a problem, but what were they doing to work through it? My own birth kids started doing their own laundry by the time they were 9 (my son earlier because he was a bed wetter and we felt that he needed to learn to care for his own mess). My seven year old adopted son wore a pull-up untill he was circumcised two months ago. He was responcible for changing his pull-up in the morning and cleaning up the wet area. He didn't always comply, but I still expected this of him and monitored him. My youngest adopted son had this same issue with bowel control and I was sucessful in getting him to be more pro-active in age appropriate ways and although I still have to monitor him, we seem to have nipped this issue before it got out of hand. Maybe if your boys handled their own laundry and were put on a strict bathroom schedule--sign-in/sign-out policy and a check before the flush from a parent--keeping a written account of activity, they might have a better chance of getting control (I find that keeping wipies next to all the toilets works better for cleaning bottoms). If they are not already cleaning up any messes they leave, they should be--even if you have to go back over them--I make my 7 and 4 years old boys wipe the toilet seat when they pee all over it (then I reclean it!). I always expect my three to use the bathroom before we go anywhere--I feel silly saying "go potty before you get in the car" everytime before we head out the door, but it pays off. Maybe it would help to better educate them on how their bodies work--if this hasn't already been done. My little one has come a long way in a short amount of time. My son gets his "pooping" pills every day (fiber tablets) and now he reminds me if I forget to put them out. Sometimes I use a small handful of cashues, when he becomes a litle irregular. I found that the laxatives the doctor suggested seem to make things worse. I find the diet plays a big role and I don't give him a lot of milk or cheese (which he does love). Your boys may not metabolize some foods properly and if you haven't sat down with a nuitritionalist yet, that may be of great benefit to them. We do very little TV and no video games in our house and lots of active play every day--I think this helps too. All three kids drink water with at least one of their meals every day and I encourage water throughout the day. These are only meant to be sugestions and not critisms. I do wish you all the best. Keep me posted on their progess
Been there
