Replies to '10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos'

 I know you've probably heard this a million times, but it's SO important!  Be consistent!!  There needs to be set consequences for misbehavior and no matter what, don't back down!  It's easier to give in, but don't!  We have three children, ages 4, 5, and 4months.  (Our 4 year old just  turned 4).  We used the 1-2-3 Magic method with them and surprisingly it works like a charm!!  When we first read about it, we thought it was the biggest load we'd ever heard, but we tried it anyway, and we saw results immediately!  I highly recommend the book.  It's called 1-2-3 Magic.  It's great at addressing "stop" behaviors.  Don't argue, yell, negotiate, or explain.  Simply say, "one" when he starts throwing a tantrum.  Wait a few seconds.  If he continues, say "two", and if he continues again, say "three" and send him up to his room (or some other "time out" place) for time out.  (one minute for every year of age, so it would be 3 minutes for your son).  They catch on quickly, and soon, they will stop before you get to 3! 

Hi Bridget.  I agree with the 1,2,3.. method.  I have a time out space (just a chair in the corner of the living room) for my 2 year old.  When she hits mommy (only rarely, now) she immediately goes into the time out chair for 2 minutes.  (Turn the tv off, make sure it's not entertaining to sit in time out) 

  

At first, she tried to get up and run around, but I would pick her up and plop her back into the chair.  Then I would get right into her face and say "SIT! You don't hit mommy!" and then I walk away.  Then she would test me and start to get up and just peek a foot over the edge.  In response, I looked over there and say "SIT!"  Then she cried for a bit and yelled and then... she accepted it. 

  

After two minutes (from the time that she stayed in the chair, not the first time I put her in and she jumped up) went to her and put my face right in hers........   

  

Very calmly tell him that he can't hit (bite/pinch whatever) and that it hurts and makes his sister sad.  Then let him out of the chair. 

  

But above all, Be Consistant!  I can't stress it enough!   

  

Hope it works out for you! 

I know it's hard dealing with children (I have a 3 y.o. and a newborn) so just be patient with yourself.  Given the fact that I don't know your son's history or temperament,  I can only suggest what I do with my 3 y.o son who is very sensitive.  Whenver he starts acting out, I try to find out what's REALLY bugging him.  If hes tired or hungry I just kind of ignore the tantrum and he stops.  Or I might just hug him and calmly say "Tell mommy why you are angry and I can help you."  or "Lets use words to talk about why we are mad".  Let him know it's okay to be mad and express himself, just not in a violent manner.  Kids need validation and need to know their feelings are validated and important.  They are people too.   

Good luck and like I said, this is just my 2 cents worth.  I'm sure you are a great mom and he will be fine.