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July 28, 2005, 7:47 am PDT
Co-dependency
Quote From: connolly2Part of it is true that I would like to see her here less dependant on her mom for emotional support and more dependant on her family(ie.. Her kids and myself). I understand and mother daughter relationship but her mom and her are very depentant on each other to the point of my wife feeling a sence of obligation to her due tothe fact ther her toher daughter is not fairing well on her personal war of drugs(her older daughter is in a bd way). My thought is that my wife feels she must keep her mom happy at all costs.
I offered to move with my family and invited her mom and her Step father for live with us in a state were all is easier but her mom is anchored here and so as mom goes so goes the daughter(my wife).
I just get so tired of working so hard out here in san diego and not getting ahead. I love my wife and family and I would never do anything that would hurt my kids emotionally. i come from a broken home and vowed my kids will always have 2 parents inthe house, barring alcoholism or abuse or drugs.
I really don't belive their is a resolution other thatn to just live with it and secrectly moarn the loss of a nicer life. I see what you're saying. Have you considered counseling for her and her mother? They both need to understand that letting the older sister ruin their lives along with her own does nobody any good. If they are operating out of some kind of guilt on their part for her drug use, they need to wake up. They are not only missing out on their own lives, they are depriving others of their better selves. Your wife's working herself to death, and stressing about her sister's inability to handle their life, and trying to placate her mother will not solve any problems. And could lead to health problems of her own in time. She may not know what to do, so just keeps on putting one foot in front of the other hoping for the best. She may listen to the advice of a counselor, if you can get her to see one. If she won't, maybe you could talk to someone who could give you some idea of how to convince her what she's doing isn't working. It can be difficult to get someone to see the dead-end they are walking down, especially if they feel they deserve it somehow. My best wishes to you.
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