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Replies to 'Where Should Your Child Sleep?'
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October 5, 2005, 7:29 am PDT
 Quote From: triciat4 Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.
People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck.
I believe marriage is about two people and the two must try to get on the same page on most issues and sometimes that means compromise, especially when it comes to raising children, children wll and do feel the tension as well as the comfort between his/her parents. I believe strongly in the marriage relationship and if it were me in your position, I would certainly talk to your husband and the both of you work together ona solution/goal, otherwise you may lose your husband completely in the bedroom and after doing things for so long it does become a habit. of course I believe in nurturing and caring and and teaching and guiding our children into maturinga nd developing and becoming independent and all that, as I have two little ones myself who are the joy of our lives, We love them with all our hearts and they are very well behave (have their moments of course) and has great personalities, VERY independent and socially and physically active, they are happy little girls and we never co slept. of course there are times when they get into our beds and snuggle with us and come to us once in a while through the night cause of a dream or becasue they need something but sleeping together all in one bed on a regular basis, doesn't happen in my home and has never had a negative affect and I have hubby in my bed, I have the best of both worlds, happy, well adjusted kids and a hubby that I know will be in my bed next to me when I awake in the morning. Yes, there are times when one of us end up on the couch because one of the girls are with us but that is occasional and if they do fall asleep in my bed, you can bet they will wake up in their own beds and that has never been an issue with our kids. All kids are different and may not adjust as well as others, but remember, marriage is about both of you and you need to communicate and figure out a solution together and in the end everyone will be happy. |
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January 20, 2006, 8:50 pm PST
Quote From: triciat4 Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.
People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck.
I just want to say that I am so relieved to read that I am not crazy for having my 16-month-old son sleep with me. We both sleep so well with this arrangement. He will take his naps in the playpen, not the crib...go figure. I am surrounded by naysayers of the family bed and they have tried so many tactics to brow-beat me into submission, but I feel like I am doing the right thing. Evan, my son, is happy, bright, and as independent as I can expect a 16-month-old to be.
I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only person who feels a touch overwhelmed at times, too. I can rememeber early on when he started teething (at 4 months) not getting more than 2 hrs sleep at a time. I nursed intil 12 months and only stopped because I was selected to donate bone marrow....but that is neither here nor there. I guess my point is to say thank you to everyone that writes and laments and sympathizes with each other. It's all too common for women to be their worst enemies, at least in the Marine Corps.
My question is bottle-weaning? My son LOVES his bottle. You can see it in his blue eyes when he walks around the house playing with dogs with his bottle in hand. He will takea sippy cup, but he would really rather have his bottle. My pediatrician wants him weaned by 18 months. I guess I am confused. I am sure if I were still breast-feeding he would give me a pat on the back. I think that is ridiculous. He also scolds me for co-sleeping. I mean really scolds me. Should I find a doctor that supports my parenting style? |
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