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Replies to 'Troubled Teens'
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August 24, 2007, 11:33 am PDT
 Quote From: momhas3 I have an 18 y/o son that I am very worried about. He quit school his senior year, as soon as he turned 18 in November. He has been back and forth between my house and living on his own since that time. Since he has turned 18, I have learned many things that I probably already knew, but didn't know the full extent of. I believe that my son is addicted to meth and/or crystal. I knew a few years ago he was smoking pot, but he was not living in my home at the time. He moved back home this April because someone beat him up very badly, he ended up having eye surgery and staying with me until July. During this time I realized just how bad his addiction is..he has stolen money from me, ran bills up in my name that I am responsible for, lies to me and manipulates to get his way. I have tried to have an open relationship with my boys and knew he had some issues. I kicked him out on July 1st, telling him he could not stay in my house as I have 2 other children under 18 as well that I will not allow him to taint with his actions and addiction. He understands, is not mad and I hear from him usually on a regular basis. I don't know what to do for him, I am at a point where I cannot tell him what to do and even though he listens to me, he can't stop. He is disgusted and embarrassed of himself even, but refuses to seek help. We have talked so much about addiction and the pain he is causing to himself and to the family that loves him so much. I think recently he has started to shoot drugs (meth/crystal) and I am so scared and worried for him that it keeps me awake at night, wondering where he is and if he is okay. I am so sick inside but feel helpless. His father and I have been divorced since he was 4 and his father doesn't have much contact with him, only if my son initiates it, which is so sad to me. He cannot depend on his dad and he has not been there for him, which I know is a part of my sons problems with anger and feeling lost. He has been diagnosed with ADD and anxiety but will not take the drugs on a regular basis and I'm afraid for him to as I don't know how they would react with the meth he uses. He has also had his stints with alcohol but at this point I believe that meth is his drug of choice. Do I just continue to stand strong and wait to see if he will figure his life out? He knows he can always depend on me for encouragement and support, but I refuse to let him live in my house and watch him kill himself. He has such a good heart, such potential he is throwing away. It kills me. He thinks within 5 years he will be 6 feet under...how do you make a kid see there is so much more to life? There are lots of things that can be done to help, but all that I know require some level of cooperation/willingness on his part. Also, some effective things can be costly, and although some third-party funding (foundation, government) may be available, it is not so easy to get, so don't count on it until you have it.
If he had been seeing a (good for him) therapist and is willing to go back, that would be the first step. If he hasn't seen a therapist, I'd suggest trying to find one and persuading him to visit. Also look into (anti-)drug programs in your area. Some of them offer things beyond just "don't use them", such as weekend outings, including camping trips.
I'd expect he is sufficiently addicted that some kind of de-tox would be in order, perhaps at a good psychiatric hospital. That would be followed by whatever program you can arrange. I know of one young man who was in similar circumstances at the same age and who did ask his parents for help. They gave him some limited choices, including a psych hospital (where he stayed some 10 days or so), followed by a particular kind of wilderness program (they are not all the same). It truly helped him turn his life around. Things are not all peaches and cream now, but he has a reasonable future and real responsibility for self. Hospitals can cost over $1,000/day, I believe, and wilderness can easily run over $20,000 if all done on a "private pay" basis. However, there are some easier-to-arrange funding sources for the hospital portion, and as noted, some aid may be available for the rest.
I couldn't just do nothing and hope for the best if I were in your position. But you can't do it for him either. So, check with local social service agencies, including any local drug programs, for any suggestions on available resources and programs. And good luck to you and your son. He can achieve real growth and success if he makes the commitment to it. |
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