Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

Well, I hope the same will be true for me. The thing is, it's hard to move away from your past when your still kind of living in it.

I told you there was alot to my story, so here goes...

I was born blind, & I've had 63 reconstructive operations on my face, first to create a face, then to build up the bone structure of that face. I'm 21 now, & graduated public high school back in December of 2003 6 months earlier then the rest of my classmates. All through my public education I was punched, kicked, & spit on. Kids hated me because I didn't look exactly like them. & at home, my parents used me as their psychotherapist. I was to make the decisions on who was right & who was wrong when they argued. My mom was sexually abused, & she would tell me about it all the time. I know she had good intentions & was doing it for the right reasons. She wanted me to be safe, & to know that if the worst did happen, I could ALWAYS, ALWAYS go to her, something she hadn't known as a child when she was abused. So I know she did it for the right reasons, but that combined with the brutal attacks on my person (committed by mostly boys), has left me extremely uncomfortable around most men.

Now I have a Stepmom because my parents divorced back in 2005. My mom left in March of 2004 though. So now I'm right back in the same role I was in before. Handling some disciplinary things with the 2 girls, trying to monitor my 16-year-old sister to make sure she's ok, watching over my parents domestic partnership to make sure their ok, & there's no way out. I have no job, am unable to go to college at the moment, & have no transportation most of the time (because both of my parents work), leaving me isolated from the outside world, & with friends over the computer as one of my few contacts. I rarely get out for anything, & don't see how I can untangle myself from my parents problems when I'm living under the same roof. I know they can't cover all their bills, I know when one of my sisters is causing them problems (which in my opinion they don't handle correctly), & I know when something's wrong between them, or when my Mom is having a hard time understanding why my blood sister is acting the way she is towards her & my 2 little stepsisters.

Add to all that the fact that my other mother is going to die of Systemic Limited Scleroderma & that my best friend who lives about 20 minutes away from me has irreversible eye damage, & you get a cauldron of depression & hopelessness.

I have a few hopes & dreams, but why reach for them when their impossible to attain?

I've been in contact with the Commission for the Blind here in MI, but they say they can't help me. Their funding has been cut by 60%, & even when I was on their case load a long time ago they weren't helping me so I told them to close my case. They would tell me about job fairs then turn around & say that I needed to find my own transport.

70% of blind people are unemployed & I'm one of them. (disappointed) The majority of the 30% who are employed are selling snacks out of vending machines on government owned property!! (angry)!!!

This is America for Pete's sake! Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I can't do anything! I'm blind, not deaf or mute, or unintelligent. & people who are deaf, or mute, or don't have the highest IQ's can work as well! I have the same wants & needs, goals & aspirations as most people do! So why am I being treated like a second class citizen without any feelings???

Anyway, I apologize for how long this is, & if you have any questions about my blindness at all, please feel free to ask! I did public speaking back in school, so I'm perfectly fine with anything you might ask.

& the question I get asked most often, how do I get on the computer? (smile)

I have a program called JAW'S that allows me to surf the net, download music, & post to message boards & send/receive email.

Thank you for listening,

Michelle

Well, I hope the same will be true for me. The thing is, it's hard to move away from your past when your still kind of living in it.

I told you there was alot to my story, so here goes...

I was born blind, & I've had 63 reconstructive operations on my face, first to create a face, then to build up the bone structure of that face. I'm 21 now, & graduated public high school back in December of 2003 6 months earlier then the rest of my classmates. All through my public education I was punched, kicked, & spit on. Kids hated me because I didn't look exactly like them. & at home, my parents used me as their psychotherapist. I was to make the decisions on who was right & who was wrong when they argued. My mom was sexually abused, & she would tell me about it all the time. I know she had good intentions & was doing it for the right reasons. She wanted me to be safe, & to know that if the worst did happen, I could ALWAYS, ALWAYS go to her, something she hadn't known as a child when she was abused. So I know she did it for the right reasons, but that combined with the brutal attacks on my person (committed by mostly boys), has left me extremely uncomfortable around most men.

Now I have a Stepmom because my parents divorced back in 2005. My mom left in March of 2004 though. So now I'm right back in the same role I was in before. Handling some disciplinary things with the 2 girls, trying to monitor my 16-year-old sister to make sure she's ok, watching over my parents domestic partnership to make sure their ok, & there's no way out. I have no job, am unable to go to college at the moment, & have no transportation most of the time (because both of my parents work), leaving me isolated from the outside world, & with friends over the computer as one of my few contacts. I rarely get out for anything, & don't see how I can untangle myself from my parents problems when I'm living under the same roof. I know they can't cover all their bills, I know when one of my sisters is causing them problems (which in my opinion they don't handle correctly), & I know when something's wrong between them, or when my Mom is having a hard time understanding why my blood sister is acting the way she is towards her & my 2 little stepsisters.

Add to all that the fact that my other mother is going to die of Systemic Limited Scleroderma & that my best friend who lives about 20 minutes away from me has irreversible eye damage, & you get a cauldron of depression & hopelessness.

I have a few hopes & dreams, but why reach for them when their impossible to attain?

I've been in contact with the Commission for the Blind here in MI, but they say they can't help me. Their funding has been cut by 60%, & even when I was on their case load a long time ago they weren't helping me so I told them to close my case. They would tell me about job fairs then turn around & say that I needed to find my own transport.

70% of blind people are unemployed & I'm one of them. (disappointed) The majority of the 30% who are employed are selling snacks out of vending machines on government owned property!! (angry)!!!

This is America for Pete's sake! Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I can't do anything! I'm blind, not deaf or mute, or unintelligent. & people who are deaf, or mute, or don't have the highest IQ's can work as well! I have the same wants & needs, goals & aspirations as most people do! So why am I being treated like a second class citizen without any feelings???

Anyway, I apologize for how long this is, & if you have any questions about my blindness at all, please feel free to ask! I did public speaking back in school, so I'm perfectly fine with anything you might ask.

& the question I get asked most often, how do I get on the computer? (smile)

I have a program called JAW'S that allows me to surf the net, download music, & post to message boards & send/receive email.

Thank you for listening,

Michelle