Replies to '09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?'

 Wish my mother-in-law was still alive to watch this one.  She made similar comments about my husband when we were first married.  That's hard to get over.  Makes you wonder what really went on when my husband was growing up!  The husband must stand up for his wife.  Wish mine had.  It's been 33 years of marriage but it still hurts even though my mother-in-law has been gone for 16 years.  I'm sure Dr. Phil would tell me to move on but I know my husband hasn't really "heard" me and he definitely hasn't apologized for the past.  Such a mama's boy, even now!

My only child is a 32 yr old man and happily married.   I love my daughter-in-law.  She is really a good woman.  These mothers are absolutely over the top.  The last thing I want is the responsibilty of running their lives when I have enough of a job running my own.  I wonder what kind of mother in laws they had.  Perhaps they were treated unfairly too.  My ex mother in law was OK  but I was just as glad to be rid of her as I was her son, but I must say her meddeling was nothing as horrible as these people.  I hesitate to call them mothers because the word mother means comfort, nuturing and caring to me.  I don't see any of that so far here.

 

 It's hard to keep your mouth shut all the time but it is the best way to live in peace.  Grown children are not stupid and when you let them go it is a sign of a good parent.  We raise them to be independent, make their own decisions and most importantly pay their own way.  How sad to miss out on a grandchild's life.  How evil to even imply an affair with your own son.  What is the gain here?  How could she possibly think that would be acceptable in any way, shape or form?

 

Once in awhile I will get a visit or a call for advice.  I hesitate to give out too much.  Usually I just help them think things through - Avoid the "you should" phrase and make a few suggestions - then leave it alone.  Nobody wants to be checked on to see if you are doing what someone advised you to do.  These women make Marie Barrone look like Mother Teresa.....

I don't mean it to sound like ALL mother in laws don't mind their own business. But there are a fair number of them that DON'T. My sister got married to her husband, and her future mother in law was a royal pain in her butt!! In fact, she was being a pain before the wedding!! She tried to dictate the decorations that were going to be used in the wedding (which my sister refused to listen to), she had the absolute nerve to tell my sister that she looked FAT in her wedding dress when she went in for the fitting and told her she was going to look like a blob at her own wedding (that woman should have looked in the mirror before saying anything like that!! She's about a hundred pounds heavier than my sister and the only reason my sister was a little larger at the time was because she had just given birth to her second child!!!), and then when she found out that my sister wanted to be married outdoors, she deliberately went behind her and her husbands backs and booked a hall for an indoor wedding!! It was a war when my sister told her that she wanted to be married by a JP instead of a priest (our old elementary principal is one and marries former students for free, so it was more convenient), and for almost a full year after their wedding, the MIL was breathing down their necks about how they were raising their children (I think she has no say whatsoever, because she used to abuse her children as they were growing up, and she's the LAST person I would look to for advice). Thankfully, my sisters husband got fed up and told his mother to mind her own darn business and she's mellowed out significantly over the last few years, and she's even got a decent relationship with my sister now.

 

And I'm certainly not denying the fact that DIL's can be just as bad. They can be manipulative and possessive of their husbands and can cause as much trouble for MIL's as MIL's can cause for them... even moreso when grandchildren are in the picture. I don't think either situation is right and families need to find a balance and mutual understanding.

 

Just my take on things.

i had a mother-in -law - like that .she even got the dress that we got married in ,just so she could control everything .the only thing i was able was my shoes ,and she had a problem with that .well she got over that ,move away from her , as fast as you can .she is to much a busy body .sounds like it will get much more crazy

.our marriage only lasted 2 yrs , so be careful .llearned from my mistakes ,in louisiana ,

  it can be very soul destroying, this, and the kids are so young, mothers can worry for there kids, but to actually get involved in disputes or make control their whole life, it definitly will detroy, marriages, childrens lives, and one day children just will close down, in order to survive.

 

I think to not have contact is simply the best way for all concerned, even the grandchildren becos they can be manipulated by mothers in laws too, its so sad....

Just make sure if u ever get in financial trouble in the future, dont land on mother in laws front door step, becos she will make your life hell, just know your doing the right thing in your marriage with her son, and keep your chin up, and one day mother in law will end up very lonely, and she has bought it all on herself....

This is very disturbing to think a mother would be involved in her sons sexual relationships.  This is disgusting and at what point should she be banned from his life completely!  I would suggest this man and his wife and child find a life away from this woman and teach their children a respectable and healthy life.