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October 8, 2005, 9:14 am PDT
I agree with having a plan...
Quote From: lilmshenThe number one thing at the top of the list, that is the most detrimental to any anxiety/panic/stress problem is: "THE WAY IN WHICH WE TALK TO OURSELVES". Alot of people with this disorder find that alot of there anxiety is from things they CANNOT CONTROL. (I.E. Death, Medication, Being a passenger in a car/plane and etc...a spouse who could walk out at any moment and so on.) Control issues, are very much at play here. However, we CAN control our emotions with how we view each of these and how we chose to respond...(what we say to ourselves about the event). I have kicked myself in the @** soooooo many times about not being a good parent. I should've done this, I should've done that. I should've...I should've....I should've...BTW who says you should've??? What if you make mistakes? Every parent does and every child they have raised will and the cycle continues...There is no such thing as perfection in parenting, the work place in this whole world period, so we need to quit being so hard on ourselves. Let's not have any expectations. Let's just go with flow as if we know nothing and approach each day with a ready to learn attitude. When we try to go "against" and "control" outcomes of things, anxiety sets in. Be kind to yourself...talk to yourself and give yourself good advice as you would a friend. Accept life..this is the way it is...And if I'm going to die...I'm going to die living! But just telling yourself to accept things, to let things go, doesn't always work.
The best ways I found to overcome anxiety and stress were reading Dr Phil's book SELF MATTERS and learning to self hypnotise and meditate.
Doing all of the exercises and inventories in SM cut through all of the denial and faulty thinking I had. It showed me how I aquired the faulty thinking processes and attitudes that contributed to many of the bad decisions and mistakes I had made in my life that continued to haunt me, although they were in the past. It swept away all of the self pity/self abuse I heaped on myself. In the end, it did not underline and prove once and for all that I was a worthless loser, which is what I was afraid would happen. I'm a very good person who made some mistakes that were entirely logical given my circumstances and experiences.
Self hypnosis and meditation give me powerful insight as to what is true and what is illusion in my life and the world around me, and is a wonderful calming technique.
"Every parent does (make mistakes) and every child they have raised will and the cycle continues." Yes, we all make mistakes, but we are not doomed to continue harmful cycles.
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