Replies to '09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?'

I could have written this email.  I'm in the same boat and my Son was made to make a choice.  I wish you and I could email one another.  Is their any chance of that Dr. Phil?

The grandchildren lose more.  They come into a family that is split and so are their brains:  one side is what they see and the other side is unknown whether there is truth or lies.  There will always be something missing from these grandchildren's lives and their psyche is not intact.  It can turn them into perpetual liars or non-committal people.

Also:  when there is a MIL problem, there is the eternal triangle--wife, husband, MIL.  I have these troubles with my son and as far as I am concerned, I cannot get OUT of their marriage inspite of the fact that they never respond to any contact from me including no responses to gifts sent to the grandchildren. 

I took my son to a therapist with myself in the beginning of the schism and the first thing she said was:  Well, what are you going to tell the children????

There was no answer.  A month later my son lied to the therapist about whether he had or had not notified me of his cancellation of a scheduled visit.

No one who knew my relationship with my son can even believe that this has happened because it always seemed he loved me.  Well, we MIL have to make our peace and preserve our mental health and for me this demands that I not have contact with sadistic and deceptive blood relatives.

Sue

I read your entry a few times to see what I may have been missing and came to the conclusion that I'm not missing anything but your story is...it just makes no sense. I have a son and I am very confident that 1st, I as his mother would never place him in a position where he would have to choose between his wife and myself...2nd, no one can poison his mind against me because I am confident that I raised him to have his own mind so if he had a problem with me it would be his problem and no one elses...and 3rd no one can stop a grand-parent who wants (badly enough)  to see their grandchildren from seeing them. Your son is his father, why is it only your DIL taking the blame for your inability to interact with your grandchild...it sounds like you want this woman to take the blame for actions in which your son also has a say.

 I do SO hope that Dr. Phil will show the opposite side of this topic!      My son-in-law has the brain of a seagull and shows it with every word, every move, every action he takes.  When my daughter first got serious with him,   I welcomed him into our family, showered him with love, attention & gifts (and money...he LUVED the money..his hand was always the first one out),  I treated him like I now had a son to love.   He plays the game well,  he acted like he just LUVED me back, all the while he was telling his buddies the opposite, told them when he knew that I was coming,  he would leave.  I could write pages about the 'real' jerk that he is and it took me about 10 years to accept the kind of thing he is.  He is a mama's boy and would (and has) kick his children or his wife to the curb to oooch up to his mama,  it is disgusting.  There have been

many arguments between my daughter & myself because of the seagull.  For some reason,  my daughter takes his side and for months at at time,  I am kept from seeing my grandchildren,  so

I just try to ignore him,  keep my mouth shut and give my grandchildren all of the love that I can, when I get the chance.

This jerk has applied to many jobs where a psychiological tests was given and he has yet to pass.  He does not pass any of the parts of it. 

PLEEZE....DR. PHIL....SHOW THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN ON THIS TOPIC!  

p.s.  I would not miss any of your shows...:-)

The mother in law has no business interferring and the only reason she would bring up her son's past sex life is to drive a wedge between him and his wife.  I know this to be true because my ex-mother in law did it continually and the reason reason she stopped is I showed not reaction or interest and simply told her that "everyone has a past it is the present that matters now".

yes you are right some can be. but i have the same problem with my  mil, she is such a mean lady never in my life have i met someone that is so hateful, i have always sent pic and videos and have called to let her know how we are doing. at first we got along good untill she started to try and get his ex around him and she wanted them to get back together she called and told my husband that the only reason he married me was b/c to take care of my mistake ( what is my oldest son) how sad is that, calling a inicoent child a mistake. and that is not at all true, i didn't need aman to take care of my son or I, for that matter, so just recantly i have stoped all contact with her i don't call i don't send pics, nothing afer 9 yrs of marriage i am so sick of all her bs, the letter she writes are just awful, at holidays she send only to her son not to any of his kids bioligicaly or not, (how sad is that) the iniconent kids are seeing this, i finally gave up on her b/c she twists everything, i had started keeping letters she sends so others see this and if i had sent anything i make a copy, (cards letters ect) so anyways i fell bad for my hubby so that is why i don't talk to her anymore, now she can't have anything to lie about anymore.  i fell bad for you if you are a great mil, and want to be there for ur son and his wife, but some mil just want there sons all to there self and pick there mates and you can't do that. my hubby  has a very stressfull job and i don;t think he needs all this bs that she brings all the time, he barely calls home since she complains all the time about everything and tells him how much she would like him to be with so and so. my parents are so good to him and treat him as if he was one of there own kids, so i just wish we would have a better relationship. he doesn't know what to do about this but i am just sick of it.

Agreed.  It seems to me not enough probing into what the childs mother was doing to

create a negative atmosphere.  I did think the husband could not dare say much.

The DaughterN Law is definately being cruel.  The mother in law in a bad situation in life,

leaned more toward her grandchildren, what a good place to lean?  What is the childrens Mothers thinking when they act so cruel using children as thier means to be so?

 

Men: you should always remember the one woman who really loves you throughout life no matter what,

is your Mother.  Women, you should always remember that the relationship a man has with his Mom is

an indicator and large influence on what kind of husband he will be.  That all makes your childrens lives

better or worse.  Family is family, you cannot always choose to control what you do not own and not pay a high price eventually. 

grandparents know that teh way life is now days, you may have to kiss butt to have your Grandchildren because so many think they are property.

     Then start calling and communicating with you son.   You have to make an active role in your son's and grandson  life.  Your son should send you pictures and talk to you about the baby.   Sounds like the DIL does not really know you.   Instead of being angry at the DIL about the Baptism you should ask your son why you where not invited.