Replies to '09/03 Who's the Evil-Doer?'

I had a wonderful mother-in-law. She was always truthful with me as well as helpful. She told me once that I was acting like a spoiled brat when my husband and I were arguing,which I was! I was 16 then and had been married only months. That was 43 years ago and we are still married. I still miss her today.She was an angel on earth. She said when she was in the hospital dying that she loved me like one of her daughters. We lost her quick,( 3 days). She had cancer.

I think that so many daughters-in-law view their husbands mothers as the enemy. I think so much of the time without any reason. They think it's the way they are supposed to veiw the M-I-L. 

I have one daughter-in-law that is that way. I did everything I could to let her know that I loved her and was glad to have her in our family. It didn't work. It has been over a year since I have seen my two grand-daughters and they live less than 10 miles away. I do blame my son for that because he could do something about it. He will come to see us but he never brings the girls. One day he will realize how wrong that was but it will be too late. They get to see the other grand-parents every day most of the time.

I have another daughter-in-law and I let her know that I am glad she's in our family. We give each other hugs before we leave. We talk on the phone . Go places together and laugh and cry together.We have a good relationship and my son or daughter-in-law make sure that when one set of grand parents see those precious children so do the other set of grand parents. I think  you need to work on the relationship to make a complete family. Sometimes it just won't work but each should try 100% to make a complete family.

If you know you have done everything you could do and the hate and blame is still there, you just may have to learn to live without them in your life. It's not easy but when it comes down to it ,You can't make someone love you.

98% of the time it is the MOTHER IN LAW who's the interfering, evil, B****, daughter in laws are rarely like that, and when they are, they're standing up to you EVIL mother in laws. What you mils gotta understand is your baby boy isn't a baby anymore, he's a grown man, and can make his own decisions! His wife/girlfriend/fiance can't  turn him against you, if he has thats because he already was long before she came along, and you just didn't notice it. It's so easy for you MILs to sit there and blame the DIL/ girlfriends for everything, you'll are just jealous because when he needs something now instead of you he goes to her, and she's just as influentential to him and as you are. The reason why Dr Phil never does a show on visa versa is because DILs rarely are the problem its the MILs

I agree ~ it's not always the Mother-in-law ~ but remember the mother-in-laws on the show

are always over the top and not your normal mother-in-laws ~ so for us normal mother-in-laws ~ our differences with our dIl's would be a waste of Dr. Phil's time.  I'm sure that Dr. Phil knows

that it takes two to tangle. ~

 

Dr. Phil told one husband on the show that he can not make the choice for his wife.

(she doesn't want the grandmother to see the grandchildren/) I also believe that

a husband has a mind of his own and a wife can not make the choice for him either ~ a

compromise needs to be made.  Maybe there are some dIL's out there that need

rescused by their husbands, but I disagree that it's 98% of the time.  Some

dIL's don't mean to be offensive, they just don't seem to be able to see their husband's family

as being as important to him as their's are to them ~ anyway, that's my case.  I believe

when you people get married it's not a his, mine and ours,,, when it comes to

extended family it shoud be "ours".  It's not always the men, or the mother-in-laws

that are controlling and possessive ~ I don't believe that a man has to disown his

parents to keep the love of his wife or vise-versa, and a man has a much say so over

the children as the wife does ~

 

I hope that you and your son can work things out ~